My Story

This is my personal story and essay that I write to you, the reader, about my life. I have to add a TRIGGER WARNING to this entire essay, because I’m going to talk about abuse, child marriage, trafficking, and extreme organized religion. So please proceed with caution.

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I was born into the notorious cult The Family, formerly known as The Children of God. My parents Sara Kelley and Alfred Kelley lived with the cult founder David Berg and his family in their massive compound.

Together with Berg’s partner Karen Zerby, her two biological children, and my older sister, I grew up as a child celebrity of sorts. From before birth, my life was on full display for tens of thousands of cult member across the world to read about, printed in numerous cult publications. Along with Berg’s 2 adopted children and my older sister, we were raised as examples of how all cult children should behave.

We were “the golden children” the “chosen ones”, the example children for the rest of the cult members on how to raise a child “right”. Because, I was being raised by the cult founder. So obviously, I was getting the perfect care I needed, right?

Well…no.

My mother’s entire pregnancy with me was documented and published as a guidebook for 10,000 cult members on how to prepare for a new baby. My birth was described in excruciating detail in a publication called “Lifelines” and distributed to cult members as required reading. My childhood was depicted in the cult children’s book series known as “Life With Grandpa”. Berg gave me all my names. Mary Dear, a pseudonym in the cult books and what I was known to for normal cult members, and Serena in everyday, top-secret life with cult leaders.

My life was top secret because word got around in the USA that Berg was amassing a cult and creating many compounds around the USA preaching free love, mass marriage, polygamy, and child exploitation. He fled the USA in the 70s and never went back, living in secret communes around the world for the rest of his life. He also encouraged all his cult followers to do that same, calling America “the whore” and saying everyone from there would be burned in hell.

Sexual abuse was rampant in Berg’s home and I grew up exposed to all kinds of pedophilia practices, orgies, and sexual situations a baby to 5 year old child should never be privy too. I was frequently abused sexually, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.

Apart from David Berg’s own household, my family was the most well-known in the cult. My mother was known as Sara Davidito (Berg’s adopted son’s name, as she was his main nanny), and she wrote many cult books throughout her infamous life.

Our family became somewhat of a caricature of ourselves, with many stories created about our life and “fun” adventures in Berg’s household, depicted as a comic series with literal cartoon characters of us. Children grew up reading about us. Adults read stories about us to their children for decades.

Creating these cult publications about my family was a way to model their behavior after what was depicted about us in the the books, and a replacement for the “evil” system material and books from the outside world. This was all part of the cult brainwashing to keep its members separated from the rest of the world and I, as an innocent child, was a key tool specifically for that purpose.

Perhaps the most poignant and traumatic moment of my young life in Berg’s household was when I was given a ring on my 3rd birthday by Berg, to be his child bride. I was delivered to him by my mother, placed on his lap, and watched as Berg slipped an oversized ring on my 3 year old finger.

He wrapped tape around the band, instructing me me to slowly take the tape off as I grew into the ring. I still have this ring, and it still fits me. Of course, I never wear it, but it is part of my life and part of my story. Which I knew I was always going to tell one day.

After leaving Berg’s house, we hid our identity from other members of the cult. This was mostly to protect Berg and his identity, as he was already wanted in the USA for abuse practices. No one knew we were the famous family from all the comic books.

At six years old we moved to Brazil in a commune of 200 people. I was told to lie about being Mary Dear from the books, and this continued throughout my life. I didn't mind this as I was an extremely shy, quiet, sensitive child. It felt safe for me to lie about my identity and create stories about my life. I didn’t want any attention, I just wanted to be “normal” and fit in with other kids.

As I got older, our family came out of hiding in Brazil. My mother became a top leader for the cult in South America. She changed her name to Sharon, but eventually everyone knew she was Sara Davidito from the books, which means they all knew about us. The shock from living my life in secret, lying about who I was until I was about 12, to suddenly everyone knowing who I was and asking questions, was extremely confusing and jarring to me.

As a teenager, I traveled to other communes in Brazil in hopes to socialize myself a bit more and come out of my shell from my secretive life. It wasn’t easy and felt uncomfortable to step into a room where every person knew about my family and my life, while I knew nothing about them.

Eventually I was able to leave my mother’s top secret leadership homes at 16 and travel around Central America. I went to Morelia for a bit, then Guatemala, El Salvador, back to Mexico, and bided my time until I was 18 so I could leave without anyone stopping me.

I finally managed escape the cult at 18, taking a bus with my then boyfriend from Mexico City to Houston, with 150 bucks to my name, and moved into an apartment with a friend. There I began a life of partying, drugs, and debauchery.

I got my GED, then attended community college for a bit and dropped out when I couldn’t keep up my grades because I was always hungover and had no study ethic. I had stopped school at 13 and didn’t hold anything more than a middle school education.

I had to begin with remedial classes in college, all while holding multiple jobs to support myself. Throughout this time I made up various stories about why I grew up all over the world. Missionaries, volunteer work, army brat, etc. I never once thought to talk about my real life as any time I did, I would burst into tears.

In 2005 my life drastically changed when Ricky Rodriguez, David Berg’s adopted son, committed a murder-suicide. This tragedy thrust our family into the spotlight again, this time on a more permanent and international basis. Ricky was sexually abused throughout his entire childhood and my mother as his main nanny, bore much of the responsibility.

After Ricky’s death, more and more people began speaking out against the cult, now known as The Family instead of The Children of God. My older sister Davida spoke out in interviews to honor Ricky’s life and corroborate his story. It seemed that every other week a new documentary emerged about the cult containing interviews with my sister, photos of my family, and our family name everywhere.

My life was displayed in Ok Magazine, People Magazine, The Sun, AMC, E Entertainment, CNN, CNBC, Larry King Live show, Montel, Oprah, and so many more programs. It was insane to turn on the TV and see pictures of my family on the news. I felt violated and like my life was spinning out of control.

Since I’d been lying about my life for years, I was mortified that friends started finding out the truth about me. Slowly, my carefully constructed persona was exposed, and I had to explain to my friends what was really going on with my life.

After six years of work and partying in Houston, I decided to move to Austin to finish my degree. I completed my Bachelor’s degree at UT Austin but continued the façade about my family. I hid in plain sight, lying throughout college, my career, and to all my colleagues. In fact, in my first 14 years of corporate life, I told only one colleague the truth about me.

In my 15th year of professional corporate life, I developed a nagging feeling that I wasn’t living life to my greatest potential. Even though I had a degree, a corporate job and the six-figure career I thought I wanted, I continued falling in and out of depression. I suffered from insane eating disorders, emotional ups and downs, and major depression. I felt trapped, unfulfilled and lifeless.

In 2019 I was unexpectedly laid off from my job. Blindsided at first, I went into autopilot, searching for jobs, going to interviews, doing all the things “normal” people do. But I realized I didn’t really want that life anymore. I needed a break, but I also needed help.

After searching for years for a good therapist, I finally found on. I then found a spiritual teacher to talk about the deeper aspects of my life, and hired a life coach. With their support, I made the difficult decision to open a dialogue about my life and start talking about my trauma as a path for my own healing.

Opening a dialogue on Social Media meant using my platform and my family name for the first time and allowing myself to be open, honest, and vulnerable. In 2019 I stopped hiding and letting everyone else dictate my life, and took my power back.

The second I changed course and shone a light on my deepest, darkest secret, things began to shift. I felt inspired, totally exposed, vulnerable, open to criticism, judgment, and everything that scared me. But I also felt strong, peaceful, and closer to my true self. Most of all, I felt whole. I felt complete, I felt stronger, and I felt alive.

On my new path I continued to learn, grow, make mistakes and evolve. I realized that my experiences helped me grow, be kinder, more empathetic, understanding, and fearless. Not broken or ruined.

To be able to finally speak my truth and live without fear of judgment, ridicule, or shame, was a game changer for me. Instead of running from the uncomfortable topics, now I run straight to them. And that’s how my Substack was created. To shine a light on the lesser-talked issues in life, talk about taboo subjects, and open the conversations for deeper, scarier topics we often shy away from.

​You can find me in any part of the world, traveling around in my car with my dog, connecting with strangers, dancing naked in the forests, swimming in pristine lakes, climbing the highest peaks of remote mountains, working with horses for equine therapy, writing in a coffee shop across the world, and living life to my fullest.

Because I know, that as long as I live my truth and follow my joy, anything is possible.

"It's not what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It's what doesn't kill you makes you kinder."