My Story

This is my personal story and essay that I write to you, the reader, about my life.

I am a writer and Trauma-Recovery Specialist based out of Austin, Texas, USA.

I was born into the notorious cult The Family, formerly known as The Children of God. My parents lived with the cult founder David Berg and his family in their massive compound. Together with his partner Karen Zerby and her two biological children, my childhood was on full display for tens of thousands of cult member across the world, printed in numerous cult publications. Along with Berg’s 2 adopted children and my older sister, we were raised as examples of how all cult children should behave.

My mother’s entire pregnancy with me was documented and published as a guidebook for cult members on how to prepare for a new baby. My birth was described in excruciating detail in a publication called “Lifelines” and distributed to cult members. My childhood was depicted in the cult children’s book series known as “Life With Grandpa”. Berg gave me all my names. Mary Dear, a pseudonym in the cult books, and Serena in everyday life. 

Sexual abuse was rampant in Berg’s home and I grew up exposed to all kinds of pedophilia practices and situations a baby to 5 year old child should never be privy too. I was frequently abused sexually, physically, spiritually, and mentally. 

Apart from David Berg’s own household, my family was the most well-known in the cult. My mother wrote many cult books and our family became somewhat of a caricature of ourselves, with many stories created about our life and “fun” adventures. Kids grew up reading about my family as a way to model their behavior after what was depicted about us in the the books. This was all part of the cult brainwashing, and I, as an innocent child, was used as tool specifically for that purpose.

Perhaps the most poignant and traumatic moment of my young life in Berg’s household was when I was given a ring on my 3rd birthday by Berg, to be his child bride. I was delivered to him by my mother, and Berg placed an oversized ring on my 3 year old finger, wrapping tape around it, telling me to slowly take the tape off as I grew into the ring. I still have this ring, and it still fits me, though of course, I never wear it, but it is part of my life and part of my store.

After leaving Berg’s house, we hid our identity from other members of the cult. This was mostly to protect Berg and his identity, as he was already wanted in the USA for abuse practices. At six years old I was told to lie about being Mary Dear from the books, and this continued throughout my life. I didn't mind this as I was an extremely shy, quiet, sensitive child. It felt safe for me to lie about my identity and create stories about my life. I didn’t want any attention, I just wanted to be “normal” and fit in with other kids.

As I got older, our family came out of hiding in Brazil. My mother became a top leader for the cult South America everyone knew about her, and soon knew about us. As a teenager, I traveled to other communes in Brazil in hopes to socialize myself a bit more and come out of my shell. It wasn’t easy and felt uncomfortable to step into a room where every person knew about my family and my life, while I knew nothing about them.

I finally managed leave the cult at 18 and moved into an apartment with a friend. There I began a life of partying, drugs, and debauchery. I attended school and dropped out when I couldn’t keep up my grades. I held multiple jobs and overall did well for myself financially. I made up various stories about why I grew up all over the world. Missionaries, volunteer work, army brat, etc.

In 2005 my life drastically changed when Ricky Rodriguez, David Berg’s adopted son, committed a murder-suicide. This tragedy thrust our family into the spotlight again, this time on a more permanent basis. My mother was Ricky’s nanny and had raised him as a child. Ricky was sexually abused throughout his entire childhood and my mother bore much of the responsibility.

After Ricky’s death, more and more people began speaking out against The Family. My sister spoke out to honor Ricky’s life and corroborate his story. It seemed that every other week a new documentary emerged about the cult containing interviews with my sister, photos of my family, and our family name everywhere. I felt violated and like my life was spinning out of control.

I resorted to lying about my life as I had done as a child. When anyone did find out about my family from the news, I would be mortified that my carefully constructed persona was exposed, unable to talk about my life without bursting into tears. 

After six years of work and partying in Houston, I decided to move to Austin to finish my degree. I completed my Bachelor’s degree at UT Austin but continued the façade about my family. I hid in plain sight, lying throughout college, my career, and to all my colleagues. In fact, in my first 14 years of corporate life, I told only one colleague the truth about me. 

In my 15th year of professional corporate life, I developed a nagging feeling that I wasn’t living life to my greatest potential. Even though I had a degree, a corporate job and the six-figure career I thought I wanted, I continued falling in and out of depression. I knew I didn’t go through all this crap in life just to work in a windowless office at a job I didn’t believe in, collecting my comfy paycheck. I felt trapped, unfulfilled and lifeless. 

In 2019 I was unexpectedly laid off from my job. Blindsided at first, I went into autopilot, searching for jobs, going to interviews, doing all the things “normal” people do. But I realized I didn’t really want that life anymore. I was ready for something more.

I tried health coaching but still had a nagging feeling that I could be doing more. With help from my therapist, a spiritual teacher and a life coach, I made the difficult decision to open a dialogue about my life and start talking about the trauma I’d experienced, and the path I was on for my own healing. This meant using my platform and my family name for the first time and allowing myself to be open, honest, and vulnerable. I decided to stop hiding, letting everyone else dictate my life, and take my power back.

The second I changed course and shone a light on my deepest, darkest secret, that is when things began to shift. I felt inspired, totally exposed, vulnerable, open to criticism, judgment, and everything that scared me. But I also felt strong, peaceful, and closer to my true self. Most of all, I felt whole. I felt complete, I felt stronger, and I felt alive.

Since then I’ve created a new belief system and a new life. On this new path I continue to learn, teach, make mistakes and evolve. All my experiences help me grow, be kinder, more empathetic, understanding, and fearless.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I welcome it with open arms. I’m finally able to speak my truth and live without fear of judgment, ridicule, or shame, and I now help others do the same. 

​You can find me in any part of the world, traveling around in my car with my dog, connecting with strangers, dancing naked in the forests, swimming in pristine lakes, climbing the highest peaks of remote mountains, working with horses for equine therapy, writing in a coffee shop across the world, and living life to my fullest. Because I know, that as long as I live my truth and follow my joy, anything is possible.

"It's not what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It's what doesn't kill you makes you kinder."