What growing up in a sex cult taught me - Part 1

My recent podcast on Cults to Consciousness about my life

Your chosen family teaches you about love and care. Your blood family teaches you patience and forgiveness.

My parents are my greatest teachers. They taught me strength, adversity, empathy, compassion, kindness, vulnerability, authenticity, truthfulness, resilience, independence, and so much more. But most of all they taught me forgiveness and patience. Forgiveness to be able to set myself free from the terrible abuses of my childhood. Patience to allow them to show up as the people they are and understand that they will not change unless they want to. This is what my blood family has taught me.

My chosen family, taught me respect, camaraderie, community, confidence, sisterhood, support, overcoming, joy, friendship, trust, loyalty, communication, love, and care. They taught me what it means to have a true bond as either a friend, a partner, or mentor. From them I learned what healthy, loving, caring relationships looks like in the way they show up in the world for their own family, their friends, and me.

There was an interesting question I heard yesterday on The Diary of a CEO. And that was, if you had the ability to remove pain from life forever, would you? It took me awhile to ponder this question as with pain comes so much other stuff. Sickness, heartbreak, disease, mental issues, and more. So could I remove those as well?

i came to the conclusion similar to the interviewer. Which is that without pain, I don’t think we’d truly appreciate the joy. It would just be. We would probably go through life a bit numb, because everything is pain free. You must be alive to feel pain, and joy. That’s the balance of life. If I didn’t feel pain or suffering, I wouldn’t be alive. And I truly feel alive.

So thank you to my parents and the cult for teaching me about pain, teaching me about kindness, teaching me about healing. While I may not have wanted those lessons, I feel blessed that I was able to turn them into something valuable and beautiful, and for that I am grateful.

The best thing I did was leave the USA

100% the best thing I did was move out of the USA. I left a toxic environment where extreme views on both sides are constantly thrown in your face, friends and family divided by political ideology, people stressed 24/7, waiting for the next disaster, scared to be canceled, poisoned with chemicals in their food, stuck in a medical system meant to keep you sick, in debt up to your eyeballs.

I left for my mental health. I knew I could not handle the extremes on both sides and the intense hoops you have to jump through just to be someone’s friend or part of a group. I was often alone and hung out with my same 4 people because it was just too much for my nervous system to deal with the rest.

For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me, but no. I was just in the wrong environment.

The connections I’ve made here in the first three weeks are more and better than the connections I’ve made in the last 10-12 years in Austin. Women who want to be friends, want to connect, have lives, careers, businesses, and also like to have fun. I’m so glad I’m back in an environment where there’s no either/or, it’s just both/and.

As someone who didn’t grow up in the USA I understand others see it as their home. I don’t & never have. It’s my default country because I happened to be born American. It’s a great country for a lot things, but a terrible country for just LIVING LIFE & having a community with friends from all over the world with different points of view.

So thankful for this life that allows me to travel, live the life I want and meet people who see you the person first, not you the race/religion/political affiliation.

If you’re having a hard time connecting with others and struggling to find people you enjoy being around, it’s not you. It’s your environment. Change your surroundings, change your life, you’d be surprised how fast everything else will change. Your people are out there, and they’ll find you.

Rigidity is awful for life

You will face countless critics (including yourself) telling you that you should be this, you should believe that, you should do this, you should behave like that. No.

Your life is yours. It goes by in a second. Make it count, do what makes you happy, not what you think you should be doing. If you want to dance it out in a club at 4am, walk home barefoot then go hiking the next day, do it. If you want to get to bed early then go running, do it. None of these are right or wrong.

Society puts so much pressure on us as women to behave a certain way when we reach a certain age. Well, I’m here to tell you that that is complete bullshit. You absolutely do not have to adhere to any random societal law about how women must behave when they get to a certain age. It’s important to remain playful, it’s important to do things that make you happy, it’s important to do things that make you feel a little naughty. 👠🤓😈

Rigidity is awful for life. It makes you sad, angry and judgmental. So leave all that behind and do what brings you joy. Work towards your goals, but give yourself time for rest and play. And give a big hard pass to the rest.

A conversation with my younger self on our birthday

Talking to my younger self on our birthday, February 12th

12 years old in Rio, Brazil

I met my younger self on a walk today, for a conversation with her on our birthday.

She asked me if I was ok. If I was safe. I said yes, after many years I can finally say I’m ok, I’m safe. I removed myself from my abusive childhood, broke the generational trauma and began living life on my terms.

She asked if we figured out what we wanted to be when we grew up, if we found purpose and meaning in life.

I told her no, and after many years searching, we decided to live like the animals. To be present, stop searching and trust meaning will find you. We threw out every rule book & blueprint for life, & decided to go our own way, even when it seemed contrary to what we “should” do. But it led to exact places we were meant to be.

“So we’re happy, right?” She asked. “We have the perfect life? Perfect situation?” I tell her no. Nothing in life is perfect. Along the way we struggle with body image, a decade of eating disorders, struggles with sexuality, men, relationships, finances, everything.

Life is a struggle. But it’s also beautiful. The pursuit of happiness is another false rule book people made up to shame you into thinking you’re not good enough, you’re doing it wrong, try harder. It’s exhausting.

I tell her life is not a one way destination. It’s the journey along the way, the experiences, friends, & relationships that shape your life. I tell her it’s ok to be sad, to feel lost, to not know. None of us have the answers, we’re all making it up as we go along.

We continue to walk. I tell her about fear, sorrow, anger, & loss. All the things she is afraid to feel. And then I tell her the truth—these are the most beautiful parts of life. The parts we try to shun and suppress. Because it’s in the deepest, darkest, rawest moments that we come to know ourselves. That we learn what it means to love and accept who we are, completely.

So no, I tell her, there is no finish line where we stand victorious, with nothing left to struggle against. There is just us, living every emotion, every season, every fleeting moment. That’s how to truly live.

Only when we stopped searching for a destination, we found something else: peace.

Because peace begins with me.

Get out in the great outdoors

In this fast-paced world, we often forget the incredible healing powers nature offers. We’re forget to connect and recharge by immersing ourselves in the tranquil embrace of the great outdoors. 🌞💚

Research has shown that spending time in nature reduces stress, improves mental well-being, and increases creativity. 📚💡 It’s always great to take a break from screens and urban chaos to embark on an adventure with nature as your teacher.

Today, take a moment to disconnect from the chaos, plug into nature, and listen to what it has to tell you. When you spend time with the healing powers of nature, your soul and spirit will heal.

Or…you may realize that you never needed healing in the first place. You just needed to leave your bubble, get outside, and reconnect with what’s most important…yourself and you spirit.

The Woman and the Tree

A poem about nature’s healing magic by Serena Kelley

In the heart of a forest, where solitude thrives
A woman sought solace to quiet her cries.
Beneath the grand canopy, she found her retreat
A wise old tree, a friend with roots firm and deep.

The woman approached, burdened by the mundane
Her spirit entangled, a wearisome chain.
She sighed to the tree, "Oh, one so wise,
I'm mired in life's struggles, beneath sorrow's disguise.

Each day feels a burden, a weight on my soul
I long to be free, feel happy and whole.
Tell me wise one, with your wisdom so vast,
How can I find freedom to break free from the past?"

The tree whispered softly, its branches swaying low,
"My dear, you are free, more than you'll know.
Bound not by the world, but the thoughts you believe,
Release the shackles and your spirit will free.

The roots that ground me reach into the earth
But they do not define me, they're simply my birth.

As such, your routines need not keep you confined
For you hold the power to leave them behind.

Choose to dance with the wind, like leaves in the breeze
Embrace the untrodden path, let your heart find its ease.
The world may throw troubles, but they need not define
For you, my dear friend, possess a freedom divine.

Open your eyes to the beauty around
The caress of sunlight, the songbird's sweet sounds.

Your soul is unbounded, a spirit that's free
Release all worries, and your eyes will see.
Embrace life's adventures, explore the unknown
For you have the choice, you're not meant to be thrown."

The woman listened, her heart stirred by the tree
A hope awakened, her spirit set free.
She looked up in awe to thank the tree so grand
For showing her freedom lay within her own hands.

From that day forward, she walked a different path
Unburdened by routines, liberated from the past.
The forest is her haven, her sanctuary of choice
Finding solace in nature & the tree's gentle voice.

So remember dear wanderer, when life weighs you down
Freedom's within you, a choice to be found.
Seek the wisdom of trees, let their voices guide
And embrace liberation, for on wings of joy you'll glide.

—Serena Kelley