Healing from traumatic events comes in many forms. First you acknowledge that you need to heal, then you begin the process. The good news is that it's not all sorrow and pain and grief. While that is a huge part, what comes after is the joy of beginning again, experiencing life with new meaning, learning who you really are, what you love and what lights you up. This is what this video is all about.
2019 and 2020 were two of the hardest yet most transformative of my life. It helped me create the life I have today, a life I truly I love. 💛💜
#traumarecovery #mysereneearth #freedom #traumahealing #traumainformed #peacebeginswithme #justbreatheletitgo
How nature became my greatest teacher
I escaped the madness of civilization to learn from nature, our greatest teacher
“Whenever the light of civilization falls upon you with a blighting power…go to the wilderness. The dull business routine, the fierce passions of the market place, the perils of envious cities become but a memory. The wilderness will take hold of you. It will give you good red blood. You will soon behold all with a peaceful soul.”
—George S. Evans, 1904
I posted this poem on my Facebook in 2015 and it came up as a memory today. Little did I know that six years later I would literally follow those words when I packed up my car and drove around the country for six months, staying as far away from civilization and as close to the wilderness as possible. George was right. That trip brought me peace, forever changed my view and understanding of the world and made me realize that as much as we may think we’re all different, as much divisiveness in the world, we are all connected. We are leaves from branches of the same tree, and at the end of the day, we all want the same thing. To be loved and seen.
I ran to the wilderness to escape civilization and find who I truly am. There I found not only myself, but the importance of nature as a great teacher.
Nature taught me the importance of connection. Connection taught me the importance of community, and community taught me the importance of civilization.
So back to civilization I went.
If you haven’t seen my Adventure Travel series on YouTube (40 episodes!!), click on the link in my bio and watch it! The Adventure series is now done but there are many more travel videos ahead!
Why horses are the best therapists
Reminiscing on my time at Healing with Horses Equine Mental Health Ranch, and the incredible lessons Caesar, the oldest horse on the ranch taught me before his death
During my 17 month stint back in Austin, I worked at horse ranch for equine mental health. First experiencing the work as a client then again as a volunteer and then as an equine mental health specialist, I was immediately hooked to the incredible healing power these amazing animals have.
Horses are some of the most empathic creatures on the planet. Not only can then sense you coming a mile away, but they can also feel your heart, can sense your breathing, and can tell the type of state you are in. Because of this, horses will often mirror their behavior on the outside, as what’s going on with you on the inside.
We may have seen horses bit, nip, buck, or run away from people, perhaps in movies, documentaries, or real life scenarios. What is really happening has nothing to do with the horse, but everything to do with you. Horses force you to slow down, take a breath, examine and understand the feelings that are coming up inside you, which then allows you to reassess your own behaviors and thoughts (which usually not at all what you think they were at first)
Such was the case with Ceasar, a 28 year old 2000 pound Belgian draft horse who had been doing therapy work for 20 years. He was one of the first horses I met back in summer of 2022 and one of the ones that made me realize how special and valuable this equine therapy is for people.
From the first moments of meeting Caesar, I knew he was special. Not only was he huge, but he was gentle, had a big personality, and knew he was king of the ranch. He would often come say hi to me and rub his nose into my chest, much like he’s doing in the above photo.
There was one instance with Caesar that changed everything. We were doing a breathing exercise in the arena together with several other students and volunteers. This was perhaps the 4th or 5th time I’d met Caesar. He began following me around the arena, and I began walking further away so as to give him space.
What ended up happening was that the more I retreated, the more he advanced, until I was up against a fence with him in front of me.
The most incredible Equine Assistant Amanda, came up to me and asked if I felt safe. Even though I was laughing it off, I had to admit to myself that no, I didn’t truly feel safe with a 2,000 pound horse pinning me against a fence.
Amanda asked why I thought I was in that position.
I told her that I kept leaving to give him space. But he kept coming.
She asked me where else in life I’d often do that. Abandon myself, leave, to allow space for others, rather than standing my ground.
Immediately a lightbulb went off. I’m a true flight person in trauma. I will leave when the going gets tough. or I will abandon myself to give others “space”. Immediately I knew that I was playing small, allowing others to walk all over me instead of stand my ground.
Amanda then gave me an exercise to stand my ground, make myself big, and be able to get this massive horse to back up for me. Just by me changing my stance, changing my energy and using simple arm movements. I got Caesar to back up, giving me space.
The next time walked back up to me, I didn’t budget. I stood my ground and when he got too close in my space, I moved my arms and stepped into his so he would back up.
That was the last time Caesar was ever in my space.
The next time I saw him, he greeted me like an old friend, the mutual respect felt by us both. Then he followed me around the ranch as I led him to his pen, his stall, then back again.
This horse was my greatest teach in 2022. Caesar taught me so much about myself, about standing my ground, about boundaries, confidence, mindfulness, trust, ease, letting go, and joy, in the short time I knew him.
At the end of December, 2022, Caesar had to be put down due to deteriorating health issues with old age.
As such, Caesar also taught me the importance of grief and letting go, and he still continues to teach me incredible lessons on life, survival, kindness, and compassion, far beyond his death.
I know there will never be another gentle giant like him.
I’ll always be grateful for the time we spent together and the many healing moments Caesar gave me while he was alive. What an incredible life he led and what an amazing healer for so many people. Horses truly are the best therapists.
If you want to know more about equine therapy for mental health, please send me a message. It’s one of the simplest yet most healing modalities I’ve ever experienced in my life compared to many techniques I’ve experimented with on my path to healing. And this is saying a lot because I have literally done it all. You name it, 100% I have tried it.
Cheers to you, Ceasar and congrats on a life well lived.
What I wish I could tell my younger self
Looking back on why I spent so much time worrying about completely useless things
There are so many things I wish I could tell my younger self. The wounded child. Shy, introverted, scared, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually abused. The child bullied for her looks, a tall skinny white girl in the land of curvaceous Latinas in Central and South America. Who grew up thinking she was ugly, told she looked like a boy, so acted like a boy. Whose friends scrawled on the back of her shirt "Roses are red, violets are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?"
I wish I could tell my younger self it'll all be ok. Like, seriously. It’ll be ok. You’re learn that you’re worthy of love and respect. Also, you were never ugly, you just needed to believe you were beautiful, and fuck whatever others say, for real. Confidence will be your greatest accessory and no one will make you feel inferior without your consent. You will love every part of yourself, and from that love, you will learn to love others.
But seriously little Serena, you were never ugly! Just because people made you feel that way does not make it true. Don’t take everything and everyone so seriously. Also you’ll be naked a lot in your older life so chill out with the body issues. It’s all. In. Your. Head.
Who else wishes they could go back and tell themselves a simple message like this? I tell my inner child this all the time. When those seeds of doubt and comparison creep in, return to yourself, you source. It does not have to be hard. You don't need tapping and journaling and pure diets and meditation. Acknowledge the thoughts with compassion, then remind yourself feelings don't make it true. Just because someone said something or made you feel a certain way does not make it so. Fuck them all.
Then go take all the naked photos of yourself that you want.
An Ultrasound on myself
Got an ultrasound on myself for a physical. Here’s what happened after
I had a physical exam today and at first I walked in definitely not looking forward to it. As someone who prefers to trust my body to its own healing and not resort immediately to modern medicine, I came in with all these preconceived ideas of what my experience would be.
Instead, it ended up being nothing like what I had anticipated.
When I laid down having an ultrasound on myself, I listened to my own heartbeat. I watched on the gray screen my organs teeming with life inside my body, my blood pulse on the screen, and my arteries working perfectly, all communicating this information to my brain waves.
Watching this, in live time, something I take for granted every single day, I was immediately overcome with emotion and gratitude for this incredible body I was given.
While yes, I experienced minor health issues that hampered my travel plans, I’m so grateful for the treatment I’m getting and the way my body is healing. What a gift to be able to walk without worrying about breathing, to use my legs for transportation, my back for bending, lifting, turning, my arms for holding and to be able to sleep well, trusting my heart will keep pumping away while I’m not even conscious.
I found myself so grateful to be a woman and experience everything that it means. For my monthly cycle that lets me know my body is healthy and able to bring life into this world if I wanted. For the health I did have and the clear signals my body gives me when something is not right.
Rather than being annoyed, treating my body like a terrible inconvenience as I did in my 20s and early 30s, now every month I’m so thankful to see that my body is cycling as it should. What a blessing to bleed and not die. What an incredible gift of life and power. And what a blessing to be so in tune with my body that I can wake up, and know right away something isn’t right because one of my functions is not working in the way I’m used to.
This small experience today allowed me to connect deeper with my body in so much gratitude for her existence. I reminded me to treat her with so much more care and respect than before. To honor it, feed it good foods, make sure it’s getting proper movement and exercise, that my brain is functioning and being challenged.
It also reminded me how much more I should celebrate my body, rather than wait for something terrible to happen, then celebrate when my body crawls itself out of its predicament.
Rather than celebrating a new baby’s heartbeat, I’m going to celebrate my own, each and every day from now on.
What growing up in a sex cult taught me - Pt 2
Chosen family vs. blood family…what can we learn?
A peaceful walk in the seaside town of Cascais, Portugal
Your chosen family teaches you about love and care. Your blood family teaches you patience and forgiveness.
With yet another interview out about me, I’ve often been asked about the relationship with my parents.
To be honest, I never had a relationship with them. They did not raise me, and they were strangers to me as a child. They were also terrible parents and highly abusive. But they taught me valuable lessons about myself and the type of person I want to be.
My parents are my greatest teachers. They taught me strength, adversity, empathy, compassion, kindness, vulnerability, authenticity, truthfulness, resilience, independence, and so much more. But most of all they taught me forgiveness and patience. Forgiveness to be able to set myself free from the terrible abuses of my childhood. Patience to allow them to show up as the people they are and understand that they will not change unless they want to. This is what my blood family has taught me.
My chosen family, however, taught me respect, camaraderie, community, confidence, sisterhood, support, overcoming, joy, friendship, trust, loyalty, communication, love, and care. They taught me what it means to have a true bond as either a friend, a partner, or mentor. From them I learned what healthy, loving, caring relationships looks like in the way they show up in the world for their own family, their friends, and me.
Without true love, without knowing someone cares, what do we have? All we want is to be seen, heard, love, excepted, and respected. Without that we have nothing.
So I want to thank both my blood family and my chosen family for teaching me so much about life, about what it means to be human and providing me with so many valuable experiences and opportunities to learn and grow in this lifetime. It’s because of both my blood family and my chosen family that I am a better person today than I was just a year ago.
I’m thankful for the pain and suffering I’ve felt through life because each time I refuse to let it bring me down, even though many times I wasn’t sure if I’d pull through. But I know that I can either allow the pain to help me grow and evolve, or I can wallow in it and sit around waiting for someone to save me.
There was an interesting question I heard yesterday on The Diary of a CEO. And that was, if you had the ability to remove pain from life forever, would you? It took me awhile to ponder this question as with pain comes so much other stuff. Sickness, heartbreak, disease, mental issues, and more. So could I remove those as well?
i came to the conclusion similar to the interviewer. Which is that without pain, I don’t think we’d truly appreciate the joy. It would just be. We would probably go through life a bit numb, because everything is pain free. You must be alive to feel pain, and joy. That’s the balance of life. If I didn’t feel pain or suffering, I wouldn’t be alive. And I truly feel alive.
So thank you to my parents and the cult for teaching me about pain, teaching me about kindness, teaching me about healing. While I may not have wanted those lessons, I feel blessed that I was able to turn them into something valuable and beautiful, and for that I am grateful.