Do you know why it’s hard to be happy? The answer may surprise you
"Do you know why it's so hard to be happy? Because we refuse to let go of the things that make us sad." -- Lupitha Herman
If you're seeing repeating negative patterns in your life, it's because you're hanging onto them. These patterns reinforce the negative beliefs and stories you have about yourself, making it easier to blame your issues on external circumstances, rather than taking responsibility & making changes in your life.
In the book Biology of Belief by Dr. Bruce Lipton, he says those who've suffered from trauma tend to hang onto fears and stressful memories as a protection mechanism. While not all stress is bad, when our bodies become chronically stimulated by a stress response like sadness, depression, or daily stress, it compromises our health and changes our brain chemistry, resulting in a constant state of fight or flight.
My body was hardwired for stress. I've suffered from chronic stress for years from my childhood growing up in the Children of God cult, constantly in fear from punishment & abuse. This led to severe health issues and chronic anxiety in my adult life.
These days I have to constantly check in with my body as to whether I'm back under my chronic stress pattern. and if so, slowly let go of whatever put me back in that state.
Becoming aware of stress forces me to become aware of what I allow to affect me in life. Usually the things that affect me are things I'm not willing to let go of, in order to continue making excuses for myself, for whatever reason and whatever capacity.
I've had to let go of a lot of stories in my life to find internal peace and happiness. Every time I do, I progress to first understanding what happiness is (hint: it’s not what I initially thought or felt), start feeling that happiness, which leads me to feeling freer, at peace, and most of all without the need to judge, criticize, or put others down to make me feel better.
The key is letting go of your old stories. The things you are hanging on to, that you are addicted to. The excuses, the buts, everything. You have them because they served you once, but not anymore. They may have protected you in the past, but now they're only holding you back.
Those repeating patterns, the chronic state of unhappiness, stress, and annoyance, that's all there because you're allowing it to be there. Once you let go of the things that are making you sad, you'll realize that the only person keeping you trapped in the same vicious cycle, was yourself.