The Problem with Empaths

Empathy is an important quality to have, and not many can truly say they are empathetic towards others. Empathy is often confused with compassion, and while the two are related, they are not the same.

Compassion where you feel BAD for someone or a situation and want to help, while empathy is actually feeling the feelings for someone and what they are going through, either because you've been there, or you're able to see the situation from the other person's perspective.

While empathy is a good quality to have, there are many of us (myself included) in society that are more sensitive to the feelings of others than everyone else. While this is a great quality to have, especially in relating to people, having too much empathy can also lead to chronic stress and anxiety.

Empaths tend to take on not only the feelings of the other person or situation but the energy surrounding it. We feel their pain, anger, stress, and it can manifest itself not only emotionally, but physically as well. This can lead to burnout, depression or illness.

I've always been a highly empathetic person, much to my own detriment. Subconsciously I would take on the pain of others, in a way to lessen the pain for someone else. I've done this for years as an older sister and I continue to battle with it to this day. It's gotten to the point that my body physically cannot handle the stress anymore. I've had to learn ways to lessen the strain on my body so I can still be present for others, without jeopardizing my own health.

Recently some things have happened in my family that caused me to have a near breakdown. Thankfully, I am now aware when I am entering the dangerous zone of empathy, and I can stop it before it completely overtakes my life and energy field.

I know I've got some Empaths on my email list and I know you battle with this too ;) Below are some of the tips I've learned from other the years, which I know will help you!

1. Breathe into pain and release it
Be aware of WHERE you are feeling the pain. We are an energy field and it's important to protect our energy at all costs. In order to do this, we must learn how to release negative energy from others. Place your hands on where you are feeling the stress, perhaps your stomach, heart or lungs. Breathe into that space for a count of 4, hold for 4 and let it out for 4. Do this until your body returns to its normal state of homeostasis.

2. Allow yourself to be sad
Sad things happen in life. A sickness, a death, an accident, anything. During these times, it's important to acknowledge the sadness and not try to "be strong" for yourself or anyone else. It's ok to be sad, it's ok to not want to leave the house. Sit at home and cry in bed if you must. The sooner you let it out, the sooner it will pass.

3. Practice self-care
Acknowledge that you are taking on the pain of others, and treat yourself gently. Take a long walk outside barefoot. Feel the grass beneath your feet and breathe. Take a warm epsom salt bath to release your tense muscles from the stress. Smell essential oils like lavender, citrus or rose to boost your mood.

4. Get your rest
My body will sometimes feel so exhausted from being sad for others that I will literally be too tired to function. During these times it's important to get rest. A good night's sleep or a long nap will greatly improve your mood when you wake up. Sometimes you just need a full-on reset

5. Netflix...?
When all else fails, just unwind in bed with Netflix. Seriously. Stop feeling guilty, let yourself be sad and watch some shows. Then go to sleep. Allow yourself that time, that everything will be ok and there's always tomorrow.

Of course, there are always downsides to these things as well. Below are a few things you should not do.

1. Don't numb your emotions with alcohol or food
Reaching for that bottle of wine or those cookies is not a good way to cope. This will lead to bingeing, which will lead to guilt, which will lead to shame and feeling even worse than before. Try tea, kombucha, anything but the alcohol and processed sugar.

2. Don't overstimulate with caffeine
Like alcohol and food, caffeine can also have detrimental effects. Too much stimulation will lead to a crash later, leaving you worse off than before, and you don't want that.

3. Don't force yourself to do anything you don't want to do
One of the worst things I used to do was force myself out of the house, either to the gym, out with friends or happy hour...and I always felt worse. Don't force yourself to do anything just because your friends said that you should.

I hope these tips will help you as they helped me! If you have any other tips that have helped you, let me know in the comments below, I'd love to hear from you!