Freaking out over solo travel

When the “WTF are you doing” thoughts creep in…

Every time travel on my own there’s a moment when the plane is taking off and I freak out.

“What have you done this time?”

‘What am I getting myself into?”

“Why do I always do this?”

Blah blah and all my anxiety takes over.

When I travel I never know what to expect. I have a general idea of how I would like the trip to go, but then I leave it in the hands of the universe and allow myself to go with the flow.

Yes, it’s lonely at times. No, I don’t know anyone at most destinations. But in exchange, I discover a whole world would I never would have been privy to had I not left the comfortable walls of my house. I meet new people, make friends all over the world and discover that my journey is not only an outward journey, but inwards as well.

When I travel I learn new things about myself, about the world around me, and how so many things we are made to think are important really do not matter at all.

I learn how small I really am, how finite life is. I realize that in every spot in nature that I stand…I will be gone one day, but this will remain. The mountains, the river, the rocks… and someone else will be sitting on it, taking photos, talking about their adventures and enjoying their travels as well.

It’s experiences like these — finding yourself in magical places you never thought existed, unexpectedly meeting and connecting with new friends, or witnessing the hustle and bustle of life going on as usual around you—that make me so thankful for this life.

I discovered that the best way to find lost parts of myself is to remove myself from all the things I think make me who I am and who I think I should be. It’s a stripping away of all the outside accolades and fronts, to where it’s just me, nature, and strangers. It’s a fresh start in life, to be the person you I am without the stifling comfort of familiar surroundings. It allows me to show up for myself in exactly the way I want in that moment.

How do you show up for yourself in your life? Is there a place you want to go but don’t know how or where to start?

Plot twist: There is no right way to start. All you need to do is show up.

#sereneearthtravels #mysereneearth #worldwanderer

How dance reconnects you to your body

Healing through movement - part 2

Healing from sexual trauma requires not only conscious but subconscious efforts, if you want truly break out of the self-imposed prison your brain put you in to protect you.

When we experience sexual trauma, our brain dissociates. This enables us to not only “deal” with the trauma, but disconnect so we don’t fully experience the horror of what our bodies experience.

The problem is, we stay dissociated & become completely disconnected to ourselves and bodies. We don’t fully feel anything anymore…joy, sorrow, excitement, pain. You don’t know how to be truly alive as you are not fully there, in your conscious mind and body.

What helped me get to a place of being comfortable back in my body and sexuality, was movement. This can look different to each person, but for me it was dancing. In my 20s I spent most of the decade dancing away in clubs. While this was not the healthiest way to move emotions through my body, it was what worked for me at the time. I credit it as actually being a big source of healing & reacquaintance to my body, and for this I’ll never be ashamed of it.

These days I often practice hip movements like this. Grounding, isolated moves focused on the pelvic region. Why? It helps get in touch with the parts of your body you’ve ignored because they’ve been violated. It reconnects you to the discarded parts of yourself that were too painful to take notice of before. That’s where dancing comes in. With the reconnection of our bodies with movement…you can heal.

Healing is work, yes, but it doesn’t have to be terrifying, sad and serious all the time. It can be fun, exciting, new, and different. Just approach it like a curious child and think “what can I try today that I haven’t before?” Then go do it!

Other forms of movement for healing include:
- Walking
- Running
- Stretching
- Horseback riding
- Swimming
- Yoga
- Rock climbing
- Biking
- Hiking.. And more!

I want to know… what movement worked for when you were going through something? Comment below!

#mysereneearth #traumarecovery #traumainformed #mypathtohealing #childrenofgod #traumahealing #childrenofgodcult #marydear #dancetherapy #danceitout #dancevibes #movetoheal

Healing through movement

A huge part of my healing process was movement. Sure you can talk to a therapist and cry and grieve but in order to fully heal, to fully move past trauma, you need to release the old, stuck energy in your body that is holding you back and making you sick.

And…It doesn’t have to be a sad, serious process. I wish I would have found that out sooner.

Movement in any form is important to keep the chi, our bodily life force, flowing through us freely. I often just jump and shake after an unpleasant incident just to get the negative energy out of me. We are physical beings and we need to physically shake that shit off!

Also…It keeps you looking and feeling young 🧚‍♀️🙌✨

So…let’s get physical!!

#mysereneearth #traumarecovery #traumainformed #mypathtohealing #childrenofgod #thechildrenofgod #childrenofgodcult #thefamilyinternational #marydear #dancetherapy #releasestuckenergy #lifeforce

Why horses are the best therapists

Reminiscing on my time at Healing with Horses Equine Mental Health Ranch, and the incredible lessons Caesar, the oldest horse on the ranch taught me before his death

During my 17 month stint back in Austin, I worked at horse ranch for equine mental health. First experiencing the work as a client then again as a volunteer and then as an equine mental health specialist, I was immediately hooked to the incredible healing power these amazing animals have.

Horses are some of the most empathic creatures on the planet. Not only can then sense you coming a mile away, but they can also feel your heart, can sense your breathing, and can tell the type of state you are in. Because of this, horses will often mirror their behavior on the outside, as what’s going on with you on the inside.

We may have seen horses bit, nip, buck, or run away from people, perhaps in movies, documentaries, or real life scenarios. What is really happening has nothing to do with the horse, but everything to do with you. Horses force you to slow down, take a breath, examine and understand the feelings that are coming up inside you, which then allows you to reassess your own behaviors and thoughts (which usually not at all what you think they were at first)

Such was the case with Ceasar, a 28 year old 2000 pound Belgian draft horse who had been doing therapy work for 20 years. He was one of the first horses I met back in summer of 2022 and one of the ones that made me realize how special and valuable this equine therapy is for people.

From the first moments of meeting Caesar, I knew he was special. Not only was he huge, but he was gentle, had a big personality, and knew he was king of the ranch. He would often come say hi to me and rub his nose into my chest, much like he’s doing in the above photo.

There was one instance with Caesar that changed everything. We were doing a breathing exercise in the arena together with several other students and volunteers. This was perhaps the 4th or 5th time I’d met Caesar. He began following me around the arena, and I began walking further away so as to give him space.

What ended up happening was that the more I retreated, the more he advanced, until I was up against a fence with him in front of me.

The most incredible Equine Assistant Amanda, came up to me and asked if I felt safe. Even though I was laughing it off, I had to admit to myself that no, I didn’t truly feel safe with a 2,000 pound horse pinning me against a fence.

Amanda asked why I thought I was in that position.

I told her that I kept leaving to give him space. But he kept coming.

She asked me where else in life I’d often do that. Abandon myself, leave, to allow space for others, rather than standing my ground.

Immediately a lightbulb went off. I’m a true flight person in trauma. I will leave when the going gets tough. or I will abandon myself to give others “space”. Immediately I knew that I was playing small, allowing others to walk all over me instead of stand my ground.

Amanda then gave me an exercise to stand my ground, make myself big, and be able to get this massive horse to back up for me. Just by me changing my stance, changing my energy and using simple arm movements. I got Caesar to back up, giving me space.

The next time walked back up to me, I didn’t budget. I stood my ground and when he got too close in my space, I moved my arms and stepped into his so he would back up.

That was the last time Caesar was ever in my space.

The next time I saw him, he greeted me like an old friend, the mutual respect felt by us both. Then he followed me around the ranch as I led him to his pen, his stall, then back again.

This horse was my greatest teach in 2022. Caesar taught me so much about myself, about standing my ground, about boundaries, confidence, mindfulness, trust, ease, letting go, and joy, in the short time I knew him.

At the end of December, 2022, Caesar had to be put down due to deteriorating health issues with old age.

As such, Caesar also taught me the importance of grief and letting go, and he still continues to teach me incredible lessons on life, survival, kindness, and compassion, far beyond his death.

I know there will never be another gentle giant like him.

I’ll always be grateful for the time we spent together and the many healing moments Caesar gave me while he was alive. What an incredible life he led and what an amazing healer for so many people. Horses truly are the best therapists.

If you want to know more about equine therapy for mental health, please send me a message. It’s one of the simplest yet most healing modalities I’ve ever experienced in my life compared to many techniques I’ve experimented with on my path to healing. And this is saying a lot because I have literally done it all. You name it, 100% I have tried it.

Cheers to you, Ceasar and congrats on a life well lived.

The value of a beginner's mind

How to approach everything with a beginner’s mindset

The Beginner’s Mind:

“The richness of the present-moment experience is the richness of life itself. Too often, we let our thinking and our beliefs about what we “know” prevent us from seeing things as they really are.

We tend to take the ordinary for granted and fail to grasp the extraordinariness of the ordinary.

To see the richness of the present moment we need to cultivate what has been called “beginner’s mind”, a mind that is willing to see everything as if for the first time.

An open “beginner’s mind” allows us to be receptive to new possibilities and prevents us from getting stuck in the rut of our own expertise, which often thinks it knows more then it does.

No moment is the same as any other. Each is unique and contains possibilities. “Beginner’s mind” reminds us of this simple truth.”

—Full Catastrophe Living, using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. —Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D.

Working with horses the more and more I realize how little we truly know about ourselves and the world. The best approach I’ve learned that works both with horses and in life, is to enter everything with a beginner’s mind.

Leave your past experiences and beliefs at the door, and approach things with childlike curiosity. This allows me to truly grasp the extraordinariness of the ordinary, which then leads to new possibilities, mindsets and experiences.

No moment is the same as the other, We’re unique beings living on the same earth but going through completely different experiences and interpretations. Leave your expertise at the door and try approaching live with a beginner’s mind.

#extraordinaryordinary #extraordinaryordinaryjoy #beginnersmind #mysereneearth #extraordinaryordinarylife

What I wish I could tell my younger self

Looking back on why I spent so much time worrying about completely useless things

There are so many things I wish I could tell my younger self. The wounded child. Shy, introverted, scared, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually abused. The child bullied for her looks, a tall skinny white girl in the land of curvaceous Latinas in Central and South America. Who grew up thinking she was ugly, told she looked like a boy, so acted like a boy. Whose friends scrawled on the back of her shirt "Roses are red, violets are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?"

I wish I could tell my younger self it'll all be ok. Like, seriously. It’ll be ok. You’re learn that you’re worthy of love and respect. Also, you were never ugly, you just needed to believe you were beautiful, and fuck whatever others say, for real. Confidence will be your greatest accessory and no one will make you feel inferior without your consent. You will love every part of yourself, and from that love, you will learn to love others.

But seriously little Serena, you were never ugly! Just because people made you feel that way does not make it true. Don’t take everything and everyone so seriously. Also you’ll be naked a lot in your older life so chill out with the body issues. It’s all. In. Your. Head.

Who else wishes they could go back and tell themselves a simple message like this? I tell my inner child this all the time. When those seeds of doubt and comparison creep in, return to yourself, you source. It does not have to be hard. You don't need tapping and journaling and pure diets and meditation. Acknowledge the thoughts with compassion, then remind yourself feelings don't make it true. Just because someone said something or made you feel a certain way does not make it so. Fuck them all.

Then go take all the naked photos of yourself that you want.