trauma 101 - Did it Really happen?
A common theme in those dealing with unhealed trauma is making excuses for the other person/situation, putting the blame on themselves and trying to figure out why it's their fault.
These excuses can be so deeply ingrained in us because we believe we're bad and deserved whatever happened. This belief is why it's hard for so many of us admit that something bad happened in the first place.
Trauma takes place when something happens without your consent and it hurt you. In order to try and understand this instance rather than feeling the hurt, shame, and fear from the event, we try to reason in our mind why it's our fault and we brought this on ourself. This reasoning can be anything from thinking that you were dressed too sexy, you put off those vibes, you were too drunk, etc, etc. All in a way to back up your "bad" person story and keep the belief that it's your fault.
Well guess what? It's NOT your fault. Bad things happen to people all the time and whether you think you "deserved" it or not is irrelevant. Thinking you deserved something bad means that you believe you are an inherently bad person, and that's just shame talking. You're NOT a bad person, and you didn't deserve it.
Let me say it louder for the people in the back: You're NOT a bad person and you DIDN'T deserve it.
So here's what you need to do: STOP making excuses for everyone/thing and blaming yourself. You were vulnerable, something bad happened to you that drastically altered the course of your life and you will never be the same.
Now, why is it important to admit this? Well, the first step in healing your trauma is admitting that it happened. Next, you have to admit that it's not your fault. You didn't deserve it. If you don't admit this, you will continue to believe the story that you are a bad person, you don't deserve good things, you aren't safe. And with this story, you will begin to hurt others the way you were hurt.
in order to break the cycle of abuse, you must admit that you were vulnerable and hurt. Admitting you are vulnerable is not weakness, it's strength! The faster you admit this, the faster you can heal, the faster you can break the cycle of hurting others because you're hurt and the faster you can change your post-traumatic stress to post-traumatic growth.
I teach trauma because of the experiences I've had in my life and years I've spent healing from it. But guess what, it doesn't have to take years! I help others heal from their trauma in a matter of months. Sure, it's hard, but wouldn't you rather go down a temporary difficult road than live a lifetime of hurt, shame, revenge, and anger? Choosing the path of healing, growth, and kindness is much harder in the beginning, but the end is well worth it.
If you have unhealed trauma in your life, I can help you! I coach trauma and right now I have a $200 discount for the month of August. Send me a message at hello@serenakelley.com. We can get through this together!