An Ultrasound on myself

Got an ultrasound on myself for a physical. Here’s what happened after

I had a physical exam today and at first I walked in definitely not looking forward to it. As someone who prefers to trust my body to its own healing and not resort immediately to modern medicine, I came in with all these preconceived ideas of what my experience would be.

Instead, it ended up being nothing like what I had anticipated.

When I laid down having an ultrasound on myself, I listened to my own heartbeat. I watched on the gray screen my organs teeming with life inside my body, my blood pulse on the screen, and my arteries working perfectly, all communicating this information to my brain waves.

Watching this, in live time, something I take for granted every single day, I was immediately overcome with emotion and gratitude for this incredible body I was given.

While yes, I experienced minor health issues that hampered my travel plans, I’m so grateful for the treatment I’m getting and the way my body is healing. What a gift to be able to walk without worrying about breathing, to use my legs for transportation, my back for bending, lifting, turning, my arms for holding and to be able to sleep well, trusting my heart will keep pumping away while I’m not even conscious.

I found myself so grateful to be a woman and experience everything that it means. For my monthly cycle that lets me know my body is healthy and able to bring life into this world if I wanted. For the health I did have and the clear signals my body gives me when something is not right.

Rather than being annoyed, treating my body like a terrible inconvenience as I did in my 20s and early 30s, now every month I’m so thankful to see that my body is cycling as it should. What a blessing to bleed and not die. What an incredible gift of life and power. And what a blessing to be so in tune with my body that I can wake up, and know right away something isn’t right because one of my functions is not working in the way I’m used to.

This small experience today allowed me to connect deeper with my body in so much gratitude for her existence. I reminded me to treat her with so much more care and respect than before. To honor it, feed it good foods, make sure it’s getting proper movement and exercise, that my brain is functioning and being challenged.

It also reminded me how much more I should celebrate my body, rather than wait for something terrible to happen, then celebrate when my body crawls itself out of its predicament.

Rather than celebrating a new baby’s heartbeat, I’m going to celebrate my own, each and every day from now on.

Why do we have an aversion to nature?

Some of the first reactions I got to this to this photo was "whoa, dirt in your butt! In your hair!" "What if you get tics?" "That looks uncomfortable!"

News flash, I did get dirt in my butt and hair, and bit by dozens of tics. But I took those suckers out by their heads, and done. (Shoutout to growing up in Brazil where we lived with them on the daily)

Then I wondered, why do we have such an aversion to nature?Why do we immediately revert to the negative for different situations? Why do we shun nature, the very thing this earth was created for and what we were meant to live with, in favor of disinfected everything, bleached this, protected that. We are so far from nature that we created a whole other world of modern diseases and medicine for that world 💊💉

I recently fell into that trap, taking medicine for side effects of other medicines until I decided, no more. What I need for this time, my body can provide. Modern medicine has its place, yes, but it's not the end all be all, nor the only option. To me it's a last resort. I'm a faerie, and that shit does not feel good at all. What does feel good is letting that go, and using nature to heal.

Witches are dirty, nasty, playful, fun, unpredictable, and connected to the earth. They don't rely on modern medicine cause they know everything they need for healing nature has already provided for us. Faeries are literally nature. The bridge between the seen and unseen world. The sprites who only show themselves to those who they respect and recognize as their own kind.

I'm bringing nature back to humans in a way they haven't seen before. I'm helping others heal their trauma and connect to themselves using only what's provided in nature. I'm forging a new path that allows you to be who you are, with all dirtiness, discomfort and primal nature you were born with, but lost along the way. You don't have to be afraid of yourself, nature, or disease anymore. You can just be. Isn't that a relief.

Come be a Faerie Witch with me!

How to get comfortable being alone with yourself

Once you’re comfortable being alone and happy with yourself, life will change dramatically for you

In 2021 at the beginning of my 6 month road trip I felt pretty miserable traveling alone. I was also going through some intense personal stuff and many times I just wished I had someone with me that I could share these beautiful experiences with .

Then something shifted. The more alone out in nature I was, the more I realized what an incredible opportunity I had to go on this adventure alone. I didn't answer to anyone, plan, or work my schedule around someone else's. It was all about me, whatever I wanted to do (or not) at every second of the day.

So many people ask me how I did this alone. Was I afraid, did I get scared, did bad things happen, how did I prepare for bad things. How did I take my photos? (Many of my followers thought I had a secret photographer/bodyguard following me around for six months taking photos 🤣🤣).

Nope. This trip was all me, all solo, many times away from cell reception and humans, forcing me to be alone with my thoughts and in turn face some hard truths about myself. Yes, it was lonely at times, but I knew others would only serve to interrupt my solitude and the important things I knew I had to focus on for my own healing.

So yes. It was a blessing to be alone, both when I reveled in the solitude and when I loathed it. I was able to focus my time and energy only on myself, without any other distractions from the outside world unless I allowed it.

If you don’t feel comfortable being alone with yourself, now is the time to start. You don’t have to make a drastic move like I did and start traveling around alone. You can start off small. Take a walk alone, without your phone. Have a meal out alone, without your phone. Read a book alone. Then gradually build up from there.

When you’re comfortable being alone and enjoying your own company, it opens the door to creativity, expansion in your own life and confidence. Because you know you don’t need anyone else. You know yourself and you know you are enough. Those who come along in your life are just bonuses to what you already had before.

I know many people will never experience this, and I feel incredibly blessed I get to travel solo and live life on my terms, with all its ups and downs. I highly encourage you, in whatever state of life you are in, to try being alone. Start small, in the best you know how, and go from there.

Let me know in the comments below what are some of your favorites ways to enjoy your time alone! The possibilities are endless!

GOOD NEWS!!! Change is here!!

Changing it up, no more talk only about trauma, trafficking, and sadness. I’m living life my way, in full integrity with myself, what I want to do, and my happiness. Get ready for change!

GOOD NEWS! CHANGE IS HERE!

The past four years I’ve done deep, dark, healing work on myself. I’ve come out of the shadows, told my story, faced scrutiny, vulnerability, and more.

But now it’s time to pivot my life and everything in it.

I’ll always be on life's journey, growing and getting to the next level. But on this level, it’s time to step out of the pain and into pleasure.

I will always share my story as a former cult child celebrity. I will always have things I need to heal, trauma I need to address and issues to work out. I will still support the fight against child trafficking.

BUT…there is so much more to life that that! On the other side of healing, is joy. And that’s how I feel now. I feel joyful, peaceful, calm, and FREE.

Beyond the healing & tears is a moment I knew it would click: I am healed. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. I am whole, happy, thriving and able to be who I am without apology--a little weird, a little crazy, a little naked, and definitely not afraid.

Beyond the healing journey is the healed. Beyond the pain is pleasure, & that time is now.

You know you’re healed when you’ve transitioned from shadows, darkness, and sadness, to joy, passion, and pleasure. You’re healed when what haunted you no longer has power over you. I’m healed because I don’t care to talk about my past again. It doesn’t control me.

Friends, consider this my resignation letter. I resign from talking about things that no longer bring me pleasure. I resign from trauma, trafficking, and despair. It has its place, yes. But that place is not in my life 24/7.

Most of all I resign from the self-imposed prison I’ve locked myself in. The key was in my hand all along, I just needed to give myself permission to leave. So I’m putting the key in the door, turning the handle, and letting myself out.

I don’t have to purify or cleanse my body from anything, because I like being dirty. Get. Ready.

A message to myself, passed to you.

These were words to myself for my own healing, which have since helped countless others in their healing journey. I share them with you now.

You're not broken, you’re blocked. Throughout your journey you’ve run into obstacle after obstacle blocking your path, until they prevented you from going further.

This may seem like the end of the road, but it’s not, you just haven’t seen all your options. That’s because obstacles are detours in the right direction. When a door closes, there is always a window. Doors lead to the ground. Windows lead to the sky, and the sky has endless possibilities.

Right now you’re looking around you, trying to see what other doors and passageways are open. But you’re not looking up, at the windows. That’s your way out.

You carry pain, which you’ve accepted as a part of life. But pain is not just a part of life, it’s LIVING. You have lived. You’ve known grace, sorrow, loss, love, joy, pain, and so much more. Pain is a blessing, because it means you're alive. If you don’t feel pain, you aren’t living. You aren’t alive.

But pain is exhausting when you can't let it go. You struggle to carry it, dragging it with you in life. What you don’t know is how to transmute that pain into power, purpose, & pleasure. When you do that, you’ll be unstoppable. You’ll feel alive for the very first time.

You may not feel alive now from the weight you carry, but you can let that go. I know because I did. I embraced the pain & allowed it to transform me. It made me stronger, more capable, kind, loving, and caring for myself & those along my path. But most of all, I learned to honor myself, first and foremost.

Perhaps our paths will cross one day, or perhaps you were meant to read this now to help you feel supported, strong, loved, & empowered. Perhaps you were meant to see what being alive, thriving, and healed really is. My scars are always there, but the wound has healed.

Healing allows you to evolve into the person you want to be, someone YOU will be proud of. When that happens you will know, because what’s inside will finally match what everyone already sees on the outside: a healed, whole, complete person. One who’s alive, joyful, peaceful, calm, and free. Free to be you, in any way you please. Free from the constrains of societal pressures and worries of other people’s opinions.

Free to harness the power to heal yourself.