When is it the right time to speak up?

How to know if you should speak up when others tell you to, or when you feel like it

Recently I took some time off social media recently, to connect with myself, be present and alone to contemplate what I want to accomplish & who I want to be in this year.

I didn't make any grand announcement about going offline because, let's be honest, we're so wrapped up in our own stories and portrayal of how we come across online that do we even notice when someone is offline for a week? 😆😂

This break is something I will be doing monthly as I always treat Social Media differently after--more aware of the time I spend scrolling & the content I'm consuming.

I heard of a lot of things going on in Social Media while I was off. Riots, protests, more political drama, dare I say…the usual fear mongering crap. I saw yet again, many friends divided. People saying you should speak up and say something about this particular issue that is close to their hearts, but then when another issue happened that was just a serious, they didn’t say a word. Because…it was not an important issue to them.

This made me think of the contradictions so many of us get wrapped up in. People getting so up in arms about a topic in social media, yet quiet about others. When you’re an observer in these crazy times, it’s really incredible to see how similar both sides are, and how each side is essentially accusing the other of the exact same thing, just in a different way.

The bottom line is, no one should be pressured to speak up about anything. If it feels true to you, and something that is important to you, then by all means, speak up. But do not expect everyone else to jump on your soapbox. And definitely do not threaten your friends and family or shame them into speaking up as well! It’s incredible that in 2023 this is still happening. Haven’t we learned anything from 2020 and 2021?

I will give you an example from my own life:

My personal life and spiritual practice is very important and private to me. It’s something share with a few people, but really no more than 2 or 3. I used to feel pressured to share everything on social media like others did, but it never felt authentic to me. What happened was a blabbering mess of words coming out and very inauthentic claims and stories, that now looking back I cringe at. And deleted. It was never me, and I should have never been swayed or pushed into sharing things I was going through when I was not ready.

In the past year I've learned so much more about who I am, what I'm about, what I'm comfortable sharing and not sharing. My life in general is very public, so having some privacy is important. This includes things I’m going through, my spiritual practice, and personal life. And I will certainly not speak out on political topics just because everyone else is.

Remember that you should never feel pressured to share things or "speak up" because others are. That's their choice, not yours. It doesn't matter what others are talking about or the memes you see (if you're not x then you're x) ✋. Follow your intuition, share what is meaningful and feels good to you. Don't let others shame or force you into anything different. This was the biggest realization (and relief) for me in the past year and I hope it helps you too.

Thank you all for your support and follows! Here's to another beautiful year of ups, downs, heart healing, heart breaks, adventures, stability, growth, and rest, as we continue to evolve into the souls we're meant to be. 💜🧚✨

Have I become my mother?

Healing the relationship with my mother in order to heal the relationship with myself

I had a dream recently that I became my mother. It jolted me awake so suddenly because I was so horrified by the notion. The fact the dream had such a big impact on me means on some level I believe it to be true.

Before I forgave my mother, my worst fear was becoming her. And the more I fought and judged her, the more I became her. The things I run away from and deny are always the things I need to deal with most. Forgiving my mother will always be in the forefront of my mind when I start seeing patterns repeat itself.

Can I become my mother? Sure, if I choose to. There are days I feel like I'm just like her. I certainly look like her.

But I’m not my mother. I’m not following the same path. I’ve broken the cycle of trauma and hurt and chose to go my own way. Most of all, I’ve chosen to forgive her. Because holding resentments against her no longer serve me. It allows me to cut the negative cord that’s connected me to her for so long, it allows her to show up differently in my life, without the negative stories attached.

The things you haven’t forgiven will continuously show up in your life, again, and again, and again, forcing you to look at them. You can either ask yourself the question “what needs to be forgiven in order for this to go away?” Or you can just keep pushing through, holding onto resentments that do not serve you.

Before I forgave my mother, I did EVERYTHING I could NOT to be her. But that gets exhausting. And you usually end up becoming exactly who you are trying not to be. I am an extension of my mother. Not only is she my mother, but she’s an extension of me, because we’re all connected.

The below poem has always helped me to acknowledge what parts of my mother I have, what parts to learn from, and what parts I can choose not to be.

“You do not have to be your mother unless she is who you want to be.
You do not have to be your mother's mother, or your mother's mother's mother, or even your grandmother's mother on your father's side.
You may inherit their chins or their hips or their eyes, but you are not destined to become the women who came before you. You are not destined to live their lives.
So if you inherit something, inherit their strength, their resilience. Because the only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

— Pam Finger

STOP THE DOOMSCROLLING! You'll be ok!

Doomscrolling is literally a word now, created just for 2020. Look it up online, it’s true.

Doomscrolling... a 2020 development wreaking havoc on the nation. So much that we even created a word for it.

Doomscrolling is a manufactured tactic by the media to make us chronically anxious and afraid. According to @amen_clinics, information (especially negative) is like crack. Brain-imaging research in 2019 found that information triggers the dopamine-fueled reward system in the same way as food, money, or drugs. The authors of this study suggest this is why we are susceptible to clickbait.

Doomscrolling = clickbait on steroids.

The human brain is wired for negativity. American psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson famously said "The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones." When you know this (and media corporations do), it's easy to create scare-inducing headlines about spiking COVID cases, politics, looting, & rioting keep us glued + afraid. And when you're afraid, you're easily controlled.

Fear leads to unhealthy behaviour like alcoholism, depression, anxiety, relationship problems, & more. You've seen it on social media, or perhaps you were caught up in one of these situations, as I was.

The best remedy to stop your doomscrolling habits is to start focusing on what's going RIGHT in your life rather than going wrong. Limit daily your social media and news intake. Take a mental break, get outside, LIVE YOUR LIFE.

It's not worth it letting go of a decade+ friendship because you disagree on politics, health, etc, whatever the case may be. Reassess what's valuable in your life: human connection or the TV giving you because it's telling you to? And proceed from there.

Here are more ways to avoid doomscrolling and take care of your mental health, according to Amen Clinics where I got my Brain Health Coaching Certification from.

Set time limits for scrolling
Add good news to your daily scrolling. Start and end your day with positivity. Read inspiring stories found on the Good News Network.
Go on an intermittent information fast. Mentally unplug from news on a regular basis.
If you’re tempted to send a snarky say “STOP” and count to 10 before hitting reply
Block social media and news sites that are especially depressing
Make your bedroom a technology free zone

You'll be ok! 💚👍

Going through a tough time? Read this

The fastest way out is always through

Full disclosure: I've had a pretty shitty week. A couple things happened in my personal life that left me way more affected than I initially thought. 😒😒

Thankfully, I know enough about trauma and the importance of grief to know it's not only ok but essential that I allow myself to be sad, go through all the emotions and process this loss.

At first I tried to shrug the situation off and pretend like it didn't affect me, but it did. For a moment I stepped into old familiar patterns of thinking "what did I do wrong, how did I not see this coming, etc," until I realized I didn't do anything wrong and nothing was my fault. I could not have changed a single thing. This is life, and life has its ups and downs.

So, I've been hanging at the house, eating all the chocolate and watching all the shows, because I know that the sooner I go through this grief, the sooner I'll be out of it.

It sucks that we always think we need to keep a brave face, stay strong and walk with our head held high. We don't. We need to give ourselves permission to be sad, be angry, cry, hold our head down and do all the things people tell us not to do. This is the only way for us to heal.

Suppressing emotions and not allowing ourselves to feel sad & vulnerable only sets us up for failure, depression and more permanent health and mental issues down the road.

We've got to change the perception of grief in society. Grief is not just about death, but for any loss or unwelcome change in our life. We have to honor it all, and that's what I'm doing.

Remember that the fastest way out is always through.

Child Trafficking and why I'm talking about it

Child Trafficking and why I'm talking about it

In this video I explain why I'm talking about child trafficking, provide stats, why we should care, and my personal experience being trafficked in the sex cult The Children of God, something I've never talked about publicly before.

I'll continue to speak about this topic and supply as much credible information I can, and tips on how to look out for trafficked children and what you can do about it.

Human Trafficking...the real pandemic

I’ve seen many people on Social Media with such strong views about what’s going on in today’s world. Everyone seems to believe something different regarding COVID-19, Black Lives Matter, politics, vaccines, and all the conspiracy theories going around.

I do admire the people who are using their platform to speak out on things that are going on in the world, which is something I’m choosing to do more. One of the things I've been particularly interested in is human trafficking, and I'm happy that this topic is getting more attention.

In doing some research I found the following statistics:

▪️In 2020 alone, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children experienced a 90.46% increase in reports of missing and exploited children, compared to the same time frame in 2019. Think about that...that’s almost a 100% increase, and there’s still five more months to go in 2020!

▪️In 2019, the NCMEC assisted with more than 29,000 cases of missing children. These case types were:

▫️91% endangered runaways
▫️4% family abductions
▫️4% critically missing young adults, ages 18 to 20
▫️Less than 1% nonfamily abductions
▫️1%, injured or otherwise missing children

▪️ From the 26,300 runaways reported to NCMEC in 2019, 1 in 6 were likely victims of child sex trafficking. Now think of that number and multiply it by 90...and we have hit the stats for the 1st seven months of 2020. That is an astronomical amount.

Conspiracy theories or not, human trafficking--in particular child exploitation---is happening. Whether you are Republican, Democrat, somewhere in the middle or not political at all, these stats should shock, concern, and horrify you. This is the real pandemic, folks. This is what we should be talking about and what needs attention.

Something is going on that is hurting our kids. We need to pay attention, question and be willing to look deeper into uncomfortable issues. Now is not the time to keep following the masses. Do research for yourself, find out what’s going on & what you can do about it.

We may think our voice doesn’t make a difference, but it does. The more we continue to shine a light on things that are ignored, collectively we can exact change.