It's your life, it's your journey, it's your experiences. It's time to make it about you and stop listening to what others have to say about your journey.

One of the surprising effects of trauma recovery is realizing you've been afraid of pretty much everything, as soon as the traumatic experience occurred. This means fear of judgment, of taking risks, doing what you want, of speaking up, setting boundaries, self care, etc.

I used to never speak up, go against the majority or voice my opinions because I was afraid of people getting angry and afraid of conflict. I always did everything to keep the peace at the expense of myself as I was afraid someone else would suffer in my place. This is a huge effect of trauma, but something masked as being "unselfish" or "caring" and we label those who put themselves first as selfish.

You cannot take care of others unless you take care of yourself first. Living a sacrificial life, crucifying yourself to put others first is not how you heal or grow.

I'm so sick of the "it's not about you" gaslighting technique many people use when they see you're finally taking care of yourself and putting yourself first. Narcissistic people will often say this, which, if you're an empath like me, can make you think "am I being selfish?" Then you start backpedaling, getting defensive and respond with "I know, it's about X, not me." You may even change in order to "prove" you know it's not about you. This is gaslighting at its finest.

News flash, it is about you. It's about your healing, your mental health, your life, and your happiness.

I say this because this is the main thing I've been working on this year. Fear of putting myself first. And fear of overcoming my fear, because how will people view the new me? How will they judge me? I needed to stop viewing myself as selfish for putting myself first and get my priorities in order.

Everything you're afraid of is rooted in past trauma. When you break from trauma you heal your fear, because you healed the relationship to the fear. And I can show you how.

Do not be afraid to draw those boundaries. Do not be afraid to be selfish. Do not be afraid of conflict and other people's judgment about how you're healing and living your life. Most of all, do not be afraid to put yourself first because YES, it is about YOU!