How I keep sabotaging myself...and how to stop it

"Excuses for ourselves still ultimately be the killer of our dreams." -- @realcandaceowens

Recently I realized I've been making a lot of excuses for myself. Why I haven't gotten to X point in life or accomplished X goal. Then I suddenly realized that the only person holding me back is myself.

I realized that the biggest thing I was doing was making excuses for myself. “It’s not the right time, I don’t feel like it, I don’t feel ready, etc.” But as the famous quote says, “Done is better the perfect,” It’s so important to actually START something and get it going, get it finished, even if it’s not perfect, stop making the excuses that are holding you back and step into the unknown.

So I decided to stop the self sabotaging behavior, take a few steps back and reassess some patterns in my life. While yes, I will be letting go of some things and grieving the way I thought my life would go, that only means I'm making room for better things to come.

That also means I’ll be challenging myself a lot more, stepping into more discomfort and allowing myself to grow, to reach new goals and to set standards that I have been too overwhelmed to set or felt like they were too much out of reach. Even if I felt that it's too much pressure or I’m not prepared, I have to remember that Tomorrow never really comes, and preparation can sometimes be a sneaky disguise for procrastination.

To turn our aspirations into reality, we must be willing to step into the unknown, face our fears head-on, and push ourselves beyond what feels safe and familiar. That's where the magic happens!

So, here's my challenge to myself: To on a journey of discomfort and growth, with the unwavering determination to reach my goals. Whether it's pursuing a new career path, starting a passion project, or simply taking better care of ourselves, l will banish procrastination from my life.

Progress doesn't always come easily. It's okay to stumble, make mistakes, and encounter setbacks along the way. Embrace those moments as opportunities for learning and growth. Each step, no matter how small, brings us closer to the person we aspire to be.

From now on I will hold myself accountable, cheer others on, and celebrate every milestone achieved. I will share struggles and triumphs, and inspire others to join this incredible journey. We're capable of more than we could ever imagine, and it all starts with that courageous first step.

So, here's to embracing discomfort, bidding farewell to procrastination, and unleashing our full potential! It’s time to step into our greatness and stop sabotaging myself and my dreams.

What have you been putting off lately and finding excuses for? Take a look at your life, you may be surprised at what you find.

Stop prioritizing others over yourself

100% this is something I have to keep reminding myself of for the rest of my life. I used to wear it as a badge of honor that I always prioritized others over myself, until I realized I was drowning in sacrificial behavior, living for everyone else except myself.

The only thing we know about what will happen this year is that we don’t know. So why not make it a year for healing? A way to use this time of uncertainty to our best advantage. For growth, healing, taking care of our mental health, and accepting that things may never be as they were “before”.

As a trauma specialist, I know how important it is to use time like this to focus on healing child wounds. @tanaamen explains this wonderfully, addressing a common strategy of hiding or minimizing past traumatic experiences:

“The concept of hiding—or minimizing—a traumatic past is a common survival strategy for many people. It’s as though we’d like to take all those frightening, chaotic, humiliating, or abusive memories and put them in a box that others can’t access. This way no one can see the secret pain hidden inside—or so we think.”

These things only work to come to the surface later in life, when similar traumatic experiences trigger the initial trauma, leaving you more traumatized and unable to cope in the future. A bit like what’s happening in our world today. We’re seeing A LOT of unhealed trauma coming to the surface, triggered by the events around us.

Healing from past trauma is the greatest gift we can give ourselves, and the greatest way to prioritize ourselves over others.

Let’s use this year of uncertainty to take care of our mental health first. Let’s use this time to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

If you’re feeling anxious, frustrated, fearful, ask yourself where this is coming from and when you first experienced this feeling. Once you trace it back to the root and heal it, you can move forward in life with a new outlook, new perspective and new love for yourself.

I know because I did it 🙌✨💜

Liked or Respected? Can you have both?

I grew up learning to be a people pleaser, punished for using my own voice and questioning cult teachings. So I learned at a young age to keep quiet. Don't rock the boat, stop with the questions, keep quiet if I disagree.

Unfortunately this translated into my adult life. While I'm certainly not a wallflower sitting silently in the corner, I've often found myself silent and not speaking up on extremely controversial issues for fear of going against the majority and being shunned.

I've seen a lot of people these days keeping silent on what's going on simply because they have different views than the majority. On the other hand I've seen a handful of people unafraid to speak their mind & go against the majority to show more than two sides, more than black-and-white, and more than what we're seeing. 😦

I have more respect for those few people than I do for the hundreds of others who aren't saying anything different. It doesn't matter what their beliefs are, they know where they stand and they don't care about the majority. ♥

These people taught me about resilience and toughening up. This doesn't mean hardening my heart, but changing my mindset from appeasing and defending to standing by my convictions and beliefs.

There will forever be a little girl inside of me just wants to be liked and accepted. It may seem easier just being nice, but those days are gone. I learned that I can't always be liked, but I can always be respected. 🌠

So I decided I'd much rather be respected than liked. 💯