Our of all the things I’ve had to work on recently, the biggest one is fear.
As a child I lived in constant fear of my safety from abuse. As I grew up this fear translated into my adult life with fear of people finding out my past & who I was & fear of facing my past in order to heal.
In the healing process it evolved into fear of my future, fear of who I will become, fear of being judged, fear of losing my goals/visions for the future, fear of losing loved ones, friends, of losing everything.
Being out alone in nature and forced to sit with my fear brought up a lot of things that made me realize my anxiety is through the roof & I struggle with fear on a daily basis.
Sometimes I know I'm healed and on the right path, other times I'm full of anxiety with no idea where to turn. The best thing I can do is continue moving forward, facing fears & being open about my struggles.
I don’t want to put on a façade for social media and seem like I have all the answers. I don’t. Sometimes I want freedom to travel, other times I want stability. Sometimes I have a great idea, the next day I hate it. What’s important is that throughout the last six months I’ve learned to be aware of my thoughts & attune to how I feel. If things feel good to me then I know I'm on the right path. If they feel rushed and fearful, then something is off.
There's so much around us causing so much fear. Being away from everything helps me be more aware of what those are. I was never fearful about my trip in Asia until I started listening to the news. I was never anxious about politics or losing friends over coronavirus until I started paying attention to social media. These things are huge distractions and fear tactics that hold me back. The best I can do is notice when I'm getting anxious, observe the habits I'm engaging in and change it.
If you've been feeling anxious, afraid and on edge, pay attention to your actions, who you're surrounding yourself with, how you're feeling, and how it's manifesting. Then make the necessary changes to bring you back into homeostasis and balance. Living in fear is a choice. You can always choose another option and write a new story.