I have to say, that as much as most people hated 2020, in hindsight it was actually a pretty great year for me. It was a year full of personal growth, exploration into alternate ways of life I never before considered, and a huge year of connecting, reconnecting, and disconnecting with various people in my life.
Although my Asia plans totally fell through, I was still able to travel all year, and visit places in a way I never would’ve considered, such as living in the New Mexico desert for five months. All in all I’m in a great place in life. I’ve figured out and learned SO many things about myself that I would’ve never known had it not been for COVID. I know exactly who I am and I’ve never been more aware of caring for myself and my mental health than I have ever before in my life.
It’s been hard to put myself before others because I’ve literally never done that in my life, but now that I’ve spent this year focusing and reassessing what’s important to me, I know how to navigate relationships in my life that are healthy, positive and not codependent. I feel that I’m in a position to handle much more than before and welcome better, stronger, and more valuable relationships for the future.
My word for 2020 was resilience, and I 100% accomplished that and nailed that goal.
I literally have no attachment to any plans for 2021. I’m ready to keep going with the flow and accepting that my plans are not always gonna happen, as sometimes those aren't the right plans for me. I’m also going to continue listening to my own inner voice and guidance, and stop letting other people’s opinions influence my goals and way of life.
Although it was hard at first, I actually wouldn’t change anything about this year. It happened exactly as it was meant to and I’m so grateful for it. Everyone who I connected and reconnected with this year, you were all part of that journey, and I thank you for it.
Whatever happens in 2021, I’m here for it.
Why I stopped hating women
It wasn’t the women who were the issue…it was me.
I used to have this story in my head that I didn't get along with females, they were always in "competition" with me, they were bitches, not to be trusted, etc. All crap based on past experiences. Of course, what happened? The same females kept popping up in my life, reinforcing my negative beliefs.
I finally realized that I was the one that needed to change. While yes, I've been burned by female friends in the past and bullied while growing up, holding on to these negative memories only invited more of the same into my life.
It was only when I stopped judging and being jealous of other women did I start to find my tribe. I reconnected with old friends, let some old ones go, and in doing so found new ones with the space it created in my life.
I've connected with women both in person and online and it's been the most welcome surprise of the year. Best of all, I fully support them and they me.
Your tribe is out there, you just gotta be willing to go out and find it. Start with letting go of some old beliefs--maybe even some old friendships--in order to make space for new and better ones to find you.
If you wanna walk naked in the woods with someone else's dog, collect turkey feathers thinking it's from a hawk, do cartwheels on a main road with a gun strapped to you, climb a canyon everyday and take a full moon bath covered in mud, that's A-ok! The best part is, there are others who do the same.
Find your tribe and your sisterhood. Start supporting women and seeing them as allies rather than competition. Surround yourself with females that support and inspire you. And watch how fast your circle grows.
"Because there’s one thing stronger than magic. Sisterhood." ⭐⭐
Embracing my feminine powers
One of my goals for this year was to embrace myself in all my oddities by stepping into my power to become who I really am. But what does that mean, exactly?
In the book The Magdalen Manuscript it says that "Restoring women to a place of honor in our culture begins with women honoring both themselves and their stories."
In order to reclaim my power I need to honor my story, honor my past and the person I've become as a result. I learned to honor the feminine in me and not see it as a sign of weakness. Honor my gifts, my sexuality, and my body. Everything that society taught us to downplay and be ashamed of.
For thousands of years we've been taught that women are evil, weak, helpless, and less than. We're taught that we're here to support man, to please him, to sit down and shut up & give him children. These are all lies passed down through generations to keep us from our power.
Our bodies are sacred, and we should treat them as such. We cut up and add things to our bodies to make us more appealing to men, then give our power away by sleeping with random dudes who bring us zero pleasure. We settle for the first ok guy that will make a decent husband with a mediocre life because we think aren't worthy of the man of our dreams. We are afraid of our own bodies, our cycles, our ability to heal, love, and bring life into this world. This and so much more is how we give our power away.
Each time a woman steps into her power and a man honors the woman in his life, the pain and lies of the last 2 thousand years gets closer to an end and women get closer to the power we lost along the way.
We must come back to a place of balance between spirit and earth, masculine and feminine. We must find our strength and stop letting anyone else tell us otherwise.
That's what I've been doing, what I'm continuing to do, and what I hope all women will embrace at the right time.
Self Deprecation vs. Self Realization
Choosing to plug into my excited Soul versus the fearful Ego
My whole life self deprecation was my comfort zone. I thought it was me being humble, but in reality it was only reinforcing my insecurities and negative thought patterns. ♥
A true healing journey is so much more than just trauma. It’s stepping into our power, learning to love and trust ourselves (perhaps for the first time ever) and become who we really are, unapologetically. It’s listening to our soul vs ego and choosing love over fear.
Joseph Campbell says the hero's journey is a "transformation of consciousness." Where we have been thinking one way our whole lives and now we must think another.
These days I’m learning to think a different way about myself. I’m a businesswoman, a business owner, an experienced trauma recovery coach, and I’m amazing at it. I’m on a deeply spiritual path and I’m able to connect with my guides in various ways. I’m reclaiming my power as a woman and I’m choosing to take pride in each tiny success and progress I’ve made.
If this resonates and you’ve been doing something similar, start noticing the ways you’re holding yourself back with thoughts and conversations. Whatever you focus on, grows. So chose what empowers and excites you, not what holds you back.
If you're looking to get rid of those negative beliefs and self deprecating habits, I want to hear from you! Send me a DM or email me at hello@serenakelley.com. 💙
"I choose to plug into my excited Soul versus my fearful Ego.”
Learning to Re-Brainwash Myself
Yup, I used the B word!! See why below
A belief is just a thought you keep thinking. So I'm re-brainwashing my mind with a new belief system that works for me, not against me.
I listened to a recent podcast by Lewis Howes where he interviewed Dr. Joe Dispenza. What I heard was exactly what I needed that day. Dr. Dispenza is a leading researcher on the power of the mind and way it can change your body and brain function within a matter of days by implementing specific mind techniques. Dr. Dispenza discovered that you can rewire your brain chemistry simply by visualizing the future you want rather than focusing on events in the past. This practice improves not only your mental state but your health as well.
For example, if I focus on the traumas of my past, this keeps me continuously focused on worst-case scenarios. The more I entertain those thoughts, the more it becomes my reality, and the more my body reacts to those thoughts. This reaction comes in the form of continuously living in fight or flight mode, not knowing the difference between my thoughts and my environment. We all want to create a life we love and become an ideal version of ourselves. But focusing on the story and events of our past will hold us back from making any positive change. Dr. Dispenza points out that it's easy to focus on our past is because it reaffirms our limited sense of our ability to change. We can then use this reaffirming belief as an excuse for why we haven't changed.
"The more we hold on to the identity of the past, the harder it is to become our idea of the future."
-- Dr. Joe Dispenza
This was a key realization for me, as it's so easy to blame our present circumstances on events of the past. But how does that help us moving forward? How does that give us the courage to change the things we want to change? It doesn’t. It holds us back, keeps us stuck and afraid of changing because of X scenario that happened X years ago.
Getting stuck in this thought process affects our immune system and mental health function, as our body continues to use up valuable resources usually reserved for emergency situations only. In order to build our immune system, we need to rewire our brain so it rejects negative thought processes, takes us out of emergency mode and back into a state of relaxation. In this balanced state, our body will be able to naturally reject viruses and health issues.
Now, how do we do this? Well, Dr. Dispenza says we build this up by opening our heart system and connecting to our intuition. This helps us live from a space of love, wholeness, and joy, rather than separation and lack. When you feel whole, you feel like everything you want has already happened. And it’s in this state where your body starts to change. It doesn’t take that long, but it takes work. It takes awareness, repetition, information, sharing, and experience to get to the point where we let go of our persona of the past. But when we do, the body is liberated from and there is a huge release of energy.
This is what Dr. Dispenza does as his life's work. His technique re-brainwashes our minds, but in a way that WE want, however that looks for you. Dr. Dispenza said that 95% of who we are is a set of unconscious programs. In order to become someone else, we have to become aware of who we are. We have to become self-aware of every thought, word, emotion, expression, and more, and how it influences our thoughts. When we do, we develop willpower greater than our self-programming simply by being aware of our thoughts.
All we want is wholeness, peace, and happiness. But to obtain that, we have to first conquer the mind and make it our best friend rather than our worst enemy. You become your thoughts because the body adapts to your thoughts. We can teach ourselves to become immune to negative thoughts and viruses, or keep being susceptible.
You cannot just stop your negative thoughts. You need to replace the negative with positive. For me, this works in the form of mantras, which I repeat until they become automatic thoughts. The more I say it the more I think it and the more I believe it, which forms a new belief system. This is my first step to re-brainwashing myself. In the podcast, I heard this phrase by Dr. Dispenza, and I decided to use this as a mantra to start changing my brain chemistry and therefore my life:
“I’m more connected to the energy of my future than to the energy of my past. I’m more in love with my future than the story of my past.”
See if this works for you too, or find one that resonates. Write it down, repeat it, use it as the background on your phone. Start working on re-brainwashing your brain today to make it work for you! If you are interested in listening to the full podcast, click on the link below:
