Human Trafficking

What can you do about child trafficking? From a child trafficking survivor

Me singing at the base of the Cristo statue with a bunch of other cult kids, in Rio de Janeiro where I grew up.

Me at 12 years old in The Children of God cult, singing at the base of the Cristo statue with a bunch of other cult kids in Rio de Janeiro where I grew up.

In my TikTok account, I talk all about my memories of growing up in The Children of God Cult. I talk about how I was labor trafficked (like in the photo above), the insane cult practices, and my experiences growing up in the leadership inner circle as a child celebrity, known in the cult as Mary Dear.

Because of my outspoken views on cults, child trafficking, sexuality, men, women’s rights and more, many people have come to me with their concerns and well wishes, telling me that the recent reports in the news with more Epstein file leaks, more stories of child abuse and trafficking, have been deeply distressing to them.

I thank all of those who have checked in on me during this time to ask how I am I doing mentally, because many people are struggling right now and feeling overwhelmed with all this news. Many are just now coming to terms that their favorite celebrity or politician, may be, in fact, a child abuser.

And while yes, it’s understandable for people to feel overwhelmed, angry, and disheartened about the recent developments, the short answer for me is, I’m doing just fine.

Why?

Well, one, because I’ve been working on healing my trauma and mental health since 2018. I’ve done more work on myself than 99% of the people I know. I know the ins and outs of trauma, of psychological warfare, manipulation, gaslighting, trafficking, cults, mind control, and more.

I consider myself fully healed in that yes, while I know healing is not linear where you reach a pinnacle of nirvana, I now have all the tools necessary to regulate my emotions and take care of myself when I am triggered or in a bad spot, in order to not perpetuate my trauma onto others.

And two, nothing in the news bothers me because, well, I don’t watch it. I have a very strict rule of what type of content I consume, and I don’t watch or read things that are meant to make my emotions run high to where I’m not thinking out of logic and reasoning, but on emotions.

Many people have this belief (exasperated by Social media) that it’s honorable and the right thing to do to get mad at everything going on in the world, to scream and yell about it on social media from the comfort of your house, to be mad at the “system” “the patriarchy” “the government”, etc. but not taking further action.

While yes, there is a time and a place for online activism, usually social media activism falls short cause what good are you doing in your life (except elevate your cortisol levels) and your community to constantly to get upset at the next trending tragedy, the next war, the next terrible event that the media shoves on us.

If you’ve ever studied Journalism (like I did in my 6 year college journey when I escaped the cult and proceeded to change my major 4 times), you will know that trauma sells. If the news was reporting majorly positive stories, less people would watch, which means less sponsors, which means less ads, which means less money.

Trauma sells. Disaster sells. That’s why we go through phases of marching around because of this terrible thing in the news, or sharing a bunch of terrible videos of things going on in other countries, and then, suddenly…poof. It’s like it never happened. Why? Because we need a new trauma to get addicted to, so the media just pushes the next one out for us (Remember KONY2012?)

In the past years I can name them all: Remember when people put flags on their profile for Ukraine? Then we were made about immigration. Now it’s Palestine, and we’re moving into Sudan…FYI, the war in Ukraine is still happening. Gaza, still happening. What isn’t happening is seeing a bunch of Ukraine flags everywhere. And less and less Palestine. But you best believe me we’ll start seeing Sudan soon.

Which leads me to my next and final point.

If you are feeling angry, overwhelmed, constantly mad at the big bad system that’s out to get you, put it all away. Turn it off, and unfollow.

Then, go volunteer in your own community. There are starving kids right down the street from you. There are kids who have immigrated here to escape wars, children who have lost parents and family members in horrific ways. There are kids who are recovering from car crashes, fires, abuse and more IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD .

You want to make a difference? It’s not sharing videos online and arguing with strangers on the internet.

Go volunteer at a hospital, orphanage, a burn unit, mental health facility, immigration center, and more. Go make a difference in your own community first. Then watch your life and mental health change, because now you are funneling that anger into something productive that is actually helping people.

This is the simple answers.

Things will ALWAYS be happening in the world, and you can’t do anything about it, and you don’t have control over it. What you do have control over, is how you react to these events, and what you do about it going forward.

Online activism is not activism. It’s trauma addiction. Many people who are out there sharing videos are sitting on their couch, not doing anything about it. I say this as a kid who grew up in a cult, yes, but the one thing we did do in the cult, was be of service to others.

I grew up going to orphanages, hospitals, retirement homes and favelas (def had no business being there, but I digress), to provide food, clothing, songs, and more to those less fortunate than me. This instilled in me a knowledge and desire to always be service in my community, so in my adult life, I volunteered all over Texas at women’s shelters and equine mental health facilities.

So yes my friends, it’s really as simple as that. Turn off the news, get out of your house, and go be of service to others.

Stop getting angry for no reason, shouting at strangers on the internet and making your life worse. Go out there do something about it.

That’s real change and activism.

Children of Cult - now out on Discovery+ UK!


The documentary series I took part in about growing up in The Children of God cult is now out on @discoveryplusuk!

I am proud to stand by these women who are speaking out and telling the world about their stories and their life. This was not easy. But it was necessary.

I am honored to be a part of this documentary, and I hope that sharing my story you can see that there is light after darkness and joy, purpose, power and pleasure after pain.

My past does not define me, but my story is what made me the person I am today, someone who is kind, caring, loyal, joyful, alive, vibrant, and in love with life!

I'm not a survivor, I'm a thriver. Follow me and see for yourself 💜🧚✨

The Power and Symbolism of Blood and Children

Talking about the symbolism of blood, children, sacrifice, and why it matters

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I recently talked about Nas X and his “Satan shoe” online. There was so much public & private engagement from post that I thought I'd follow up with another one to talk specifically about the symbolism of this shoe and what it represents.

I'm not religious, but I know everything around us has meaning & symbols. We take on the energy of what we surround ourselves with the most. Wearing a devil shoe with a drop of human blood has far more meaning than being edgy.

Blood Significance
There is a strong symbolic link between blood, life and death. Blood is holy and sacred. It's lifeforce, magic, one of the most powerful things on this earth. Blood represents the soul, your sovereignty and binding one person to another. Blood rituals have existed since the beginning of time.

In the Bible, blood symbolizes sacrifice, eternal life & the Divine. Self flagulation to draw blood for the cleansing of sins is used by certain Muslim groups. Pagan, Druid, Greek, Maya, and Olmec all used blood sacrifice and rituals in some form. Various African tribes still perform blood sacrifice to this day.

Blood magic includes blessings, curses, binding/unbinding, repenting from sins & more. Blood sacrifice is typically associated with bodily harm (cutting or killing) and could be categorized as black magic. Blood magic without bodily harm (menstrual blood) is used for selfless purposes like healing, union, blessings, and protection. This is known as white magic.

Black or dark magic is destructive and vindictive, used selfishly usually against another. The representation of Satan throughout history is selfishness, destructiveness, vindictiveness, cruelty, pain...the same things black magic represents.

If blood is in a satan shoe, what does that represent and those walking around wearing it? The significance of blood in a shoe that comes in a box with images of dead children in grotesque form is a lot more sinister than self expression, and it’s important to be aware of that.

Child Sacrifice

Another important topic regarding the shoe and the symbolism, are the images of child sacrifice.

Child sacrifice (trigger warning)
Throughout history, children have been used as pawns for control or to please a jealous God. Children are born pure, untainted & unspoiled by the evils of the world. This gives them appeal for darker forces.

Child sacrifice was used to please deities, gods, beings, powerful rulers conquerors after war. The idea behind child sacrifice is that giving up the most precious thing in life, your child, proves your loyalty to another and essentially, saves yourself from a similar fate.

Satanic rituals are known to include child sacrifice. Satanic cults and ritual abuse has been well documented in the US, with the National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crimes (FBI) stating that victims in these cases report "ceremonies, chanting, robes and costumes, drugs, use of urine and feces, animal sacrifice, torture, abduction, mutilation, murder, and even cannibalism and vampirism."

In the Journal of American Culture, a woman said she was held in a Satanic cult where her parents were members, forcibly impregnated and held captive in order to sacrifice her child to satan when it was born.

Taking an innocent child's life to satiate a god, your own power or for Satanic rituals is 100% pure evil. The inside of the Satanic shoe box contains images of dead children hanging upside down with snakes going in between their bodies (snakes have significance too), surrounded by black horned demons and cradled by a winged skeleton demon.

None of this is harmless dress up. None of this is just entertainment and shock value. The images are intentional & symbolic. None of it represents good, truth, love, kindness, compassion, joy, light, peace, or anything positive in any way.

Whether you are religious or not, wearing shoes that represent pain, suffering, death, cruelty, selfishness and harm exposes us to those traits & energies. This numbs us to the issues going on in our country when these traits are presented as cool and expressive.

It is possible to express yourself and deliver powerful messages without embodying evil. I do it all the time.

Survivor's Guilt and PTSD...is it real?

Understanding the link between survivor’s guilt, PTSD, and when others reinforce the beliefs in you

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I read a great blog post from Amen University where I got my Brain Health Coaching certification from. In it, it talks about survivor’s guilt and what people go through after coming out of a tragic experience better than others.

According to Amen University, survivor’s guilt is often considered a serious symptom of PTSD. They say:

“While not everyone who endures a traumatic event will develop PTSD, some research estimates that as many as 90% of people who lived through events where others died experience feelings of guilt. They may question their own survival and feel a sense of responsibility for what happened:

  • Why did my buddy get killed, but not me?

  • Why did I run away from it?

  • Why didn’t I do more to save others?

  • What could I have done to prevent this tragedy?”

This one hits home to me all the time and really for anyone who has survived a tragic event when others didn't, or your experiences were different than others who survived the same tragedy.

For my personal experience growing up in the cult, I'm constantly attacked and demonized for talking about my experiences, sometimes from people very close to me. The accusations are always the same:

  • "You didn't have it as bad as me!" (indicating my trauma and experiences don't count because theirs were "worse" in their mind)

  • "You're a liar!" (indicating because my experiences were different, then I certainly must be lying)

  • "You're embellishing!" (exaggerating my trauma to make is seem worse, but it can't be worse, cause theirs is worse)

  • "You're a narcissist!" (indicating that because I'm talking about myself, I must not care about anyone else. Hint for this one: only narcissists call other people narcissists)

These words are not only deeply harmful to survivors but dangers and divisive. Rather than supporting those who are coming out to speak about their experiences, we're quick to blame, point the finger, and shut them down.

I was attacked so much from this that I actually began to believe it. This led to so much guilt that I had nothing to complain about because "so and so had it worse than me". This led me down a dark path of shame, silence, depression, and repressed anger.

Now that I'm speaking up about my life, these attacks are old news and SO 2019. But survivors guilt is real, ya'll. From war, to abuse, to car wrecks, to natural disasters, we CANNOT control what happens in our life or how we survive (or don't survive) it.

This article from Amen Clinics explains the link to survivor's guilt and PTSD, the common symptoms and how to heal from it. This was key in my path to recovery, and I know it can help others.

https://www.amenclinics.com/blog/understanding-the-relationship-between-survivors-guilt-and-ptsd/

Society's skewed version of sexuality

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I'm seeing a lot of comments on social media that are, surprisingly but also maybe not surprisingly--almost mocking the fact that Netflix was indicted by the grand jury in Texas for the lewd depiction of children in the show Cuties. People are saying it's not that bad, this is all due to conspiracy theorists and getting blown way out of proportion.

Interestingly enough, some of these people are the ones criticizing me and others for having nudity on their page. Let's just pause for a sec at these ridiculous contradictions and the hypocrisy of it all...

Newsflash! The sexualization of children is NOT normal. Images and film depicting "cute kids" in "cute outfits", shaking their butts and twerking on stage at 9 years old is NOT ok and there are NO circumstances where this is appropriate.

Guess what is normal? A 37 yr old woman who knows herself, doesn't stand for people's bullshit, who is proud of & celebrates her body in its natural form, who has gone through horrendous amounts of sexual abuse and trauma, only to come out the other side perfectly healed with a healthy sense of sexuality, showing off her body in an artful way on social media, just the way she wants to. Shocking? Maybe to some, but certainly not wrong.

I can't believe the state of the world sometimes and its skewed view on sexuality. How anyone can think that a grown woman posting beautiful photos on social media is not OK, while a disgusting show on Netflix with underage twerking children is fine, is beyond me. Something normal and natural like images of women showing their bodies or nursing their children, are censored online all the time, while the sexualization of children remains all over TV and Social Media. Guys, we can do so much better as a nation and so much better together.

Your reaction to other people's actions and what they're doing with their lives says far more about you than the other person. I would suggest we all examine our morals, our beliefs, and our thoughts to see where they are coming from and how they are being influenced. What you find may surprise you.

#nudaisnormal #nakedinnature #sereneearth #skewedperspective #cancelcuties #childabuseawareness #bodybyhiking