My current struggles and the relationships with my parents

Addressing the remorseless apologies survivors have received by the cult leaders, my honest feelings about my parents, and a word to those who choose to blame victims rather than the perpetrators.

It's never easy to talk about my personal life. Many people have assumed things about me but never asked. I hope this video clears up any misconceptions and shows that like others, I still battle with my demons every day. But, because of my healing journey, I have the tools and support I need to get me through, keep going, and keep growing.

There is one thing I would like to clarify in this video. While yes, at times it feels like it would be easier if my parents were dead, in doing Byron Katie's "The Work", I need to ask myself the four questions:

1. Is it true? At times it feels like it

2. Can I absolutely know this is true? No, I cannot. There is no way for me to know if my life would be easier, I can only assume

3. Who am I with this thought? Someone who assumes she knows what's best for her life and the life of others, who tries to control outcomes and becomes stressed, bitter and resentful.

4. Who am I without this thought? Peaceful, free, someone who is not trying to control the outcome and understands that everything is happening exactly as it should.

I truly do not know what's best for my life, and this is important for me to emphasize. We think we know what's best for us, but in hindsight, so many things we thought were good for us turned out to be wrong, and vice versa.

The things I teach others and talk about are the things I always apply to my own life, and this is a great example.

How I transform pain into power

The worst moments of our life are often the most transformational. 💖💕

I recently did a Tony Robbins course and charted out three main breakthrough moments in my life.

A breakthrough is moment in time when everything changes and the impossible becomes possible. It's usually triggered when you reach a threshold of pain where you simply cannot continue as usual and must make a change, both physically & mentally.

What can trigger a breakthrough?
Anything. A conversation, A book, a change in emotion, a belief, a mentor, coach, health issues.

This exercise showed that most of the time breakthroughs come through hardship by turning our greatest pain into our greatest strength.

A couple breakthroughs in my life that I struggled for a long time was eating disorders and relationship to food, fear of what would happen if I talked about my past, living in shame, unhealed trauma, and grief.

What triggered the change in all three of these things was my hair falling out and deciding things had to change. What helped make the needed changes in my life was hiring my own coach, reading a ton of self help, going down a spiritual path, plant medicine, therapy and changing my surroundings.

This journaling exercise made me realize that one of my greatest pains and source of shame (Hair falling out) was also the catalyst to some major growth. I would never had made some of these changes if it wasn't for my hair, and I wouldn't have made the connection if I didn't do this exercise.

Try this on yourself by asking the following questions and name the top three greatest breakthrough moments in your life.

1. What made the change possible?
2. What triggered the change in that moment?

The answers may surprise you!

The importance of grief in all aspects of life

One of the greatest tools I've learned to embrace and what I tell my clients all the time, is the importance of grief. For hundreds of years we've been taught as children that our emotions are bad, wrong and we need to always hide them.

Growing up in a cult the only emotions I was allowed to have was happiness, compliance, and supportiveness. Anything else I would be punished for. I was taught to hide my grief, shame, and anger from myself and everyone else. For years after though, I continued to live in this cycle, pushing away my sorrow and powering through.

There were so many times as a child that I needed space to grieve. Whether it was the loss of stability when I moved communes each year or the toys I was forced to leave behind that gave me the only comfort available in a highly abusive environment. And of course, the loss of my innocence as a child when I was repeatedly abused sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I needed to grieve all of these things and so much more, but I was never given the space or the opportunity.

I am now making time to grieve these and so many other experiences in my childhood that I need to honor. When need to make time to grieve traumatic experiences in our life, or they stay stuck inside our bodies, manifesting as inexplicable illness, triggering outbursts or making our way through the world completely numb to life.

I'm using this time in the country to grieve for the countless horrendous things I experienced as a child. Rather than doing an overall grieving process for my childhood as I've already done, this time I'm going through each horrifying moment and truly honoring the experience. Then I honor the grief, however it comes.

If there are things you've buried in your past that you've never honored, or if there are things you're still holding onto and you want to learn more about grief, send me a message or get on my newsletter list at the link on my website! Grief is for ALL types of loss, ALL types of events, and ALL types of circumstances! You need to grieve that sprained ankle AND your lost relationship. It's about honoring the process, honoring the event and honoring your life.

I've been there and I can help you through the process.