I have been struuuuggggggling lately.
Not happy about where I'm at in life, stressed about not finding a place to live and a bit lost as to whether I even want to settle down or keep traveling.
All that stress and worry has affected my health. I've developed multiple health issues that could turn more serious if not attended too soon.
One of the main things I've struggled with from my childhood trauma is extreme anxiety and chronic stress. This is from me constantly trying to predict where danger will come from next so I could protect myself.
When you're in a constant state of fight or flight this affects everything from digestion, ability to focus, immunity, mental health, sleep, social life and...breath.
I feel my body tensing and not breathing. I see myself not eating and resorting back to caffeine to keep me going, making it even worse as that wrecks my adrenals and wreaks havoc on my body and digestive system.
When I'm in a downward spiral like this, one of the things that helps to get me out this funk is gratitude. And there is always so much to be thankful for!
I'm thankful for my family that has houses I can stay in when I get back to Texas. I have an amazing vehicle that allows me to travel the country and gives me no issues whatsoever. I have a healthy body that moves, can get up in the morning and heals quickly from disease. I have friends and family who support me. I have income I can rely on. And, how exciting that I don't have a home! The world is open to me and I can do and go wherever I want.
Turning stressors around to something beautiful is so key when you are going through hard times. I mean, how cool I don’t have anywhere to live, the entire world is open to me and I can go wherever I want!
The next time you've got a stressful issue or in a trauma spiral like I am, use Byron Katie's 4 questions to turn it around.
Ask yourself:
Is it true
Can I absolutely be sure it’s true
Who I am with this thought
Who am I without this thought
Now change the thought around
This technique works and will help put you into a better mental space right away. Try it while taking some deep breaths, and let me know how it goes.
How Generational Trauma Works
"The way we were treated as small children is the way we treat ourselves the rest of our lives; with cruelty or with tenderness and protection. We often impose our most agonizing suffering upon ourselves and, later, on our children."
-- Alice Miller
Dr. Alice Miller said that parents who have not dealt with their trauma often end up traumatizing their children unintentionally. That's because they were traumatized by their own parents, then start repeating the pattern.
Trauma is generational. Unresolved trauma and repressed emotions are often projected onto others, with children becoming the main targets.
Parents unconsciously try to heal themselves through their children, doing to their kid what was or wasn't done to them. E.g. neglect/abuse, or forcing their child into an activity/sport/life that they were deprived of growing up.
Parents who have dealt with trauma know that children need unconditional love and acceptance. They learn to fully love and accept their children's emotions in whatever they do, not just when they are smiling and happy.
To get to that point, you must be attuned to your own emotions, thereby attuning to your children's. You must welcome their moods & feelings so the child knows it's ok to talk about emotions that come up.
In the cult I grew up in, many of my emotions were suppressed. This led to severe emotional illiteracy later in life as I did not recognize emotions like sadness, anger, or confusion. It took me years to undo the emotional abuse I suffered and be able to recognize and deal with my emotions healthily. Even now I still struggle with certain emotions like anger and rage. But I learned to support rather than suppress them.
Heal your trauma. When you attune with your emotions it gives you self awareness and the ability to mother not just your children, but yourself most of all.
Get comfortable with your emotional needs first, so you don't pass on the trauma of emotional neglect and disconnection to others.
It takes time, but is well worth it.
The Art of Meditation - What stood out to me
I recently read The Art of Meditation, and there were several things that stood out to me from this book. One, if had a very clear, concise way of how to stay in the moment, or in the present, something I touched on in one of my previous posts.
I mentioned how the words “living for now” or “staying present” almost have no meaning right now as they are such buzzwords. People use them, but no one really tells you HOW. Well, the Art of Meditation did exactly that, and in a few sentences, not a full blog post like I did earlier.
Below are some of the key standout phrases from the book which continue to impress upon me and I hope they will be of value to you too.
“There’s no time you’ve wasted or lost. There’s only this moment, and it’s complete within itself.
Go beyond accepting and forgiving yourself. Love yourself profoundly, but not the idea of yourself with all its vanity. Love the essence of who you are, which is the essence of every single one of us.
Learn to let go, trust, and learn the essence of it.
There is nothing more to add.”
Are there any books or phrases, quotes, etc you’ve heard on staying present or in the moment that really resonated with you? If so let me know in the comments below!
Living for now...what does that even mean?
Breaking down the concept of living in the moment.
There is a passge I read from The Art of Self Love, which has always stuck with me.
“There is no time wasted or lost. There’s only this moment, and its complete within itself.
Go beyond accepting and forgiving yourself. Love yourself profoundly, but not the idea of yourself with all its vanity. Love the essence of who you are, which is the essence of every single one of us.
Learn to let go, trust, and learn the essence of it.
There’s nothing more to add.”
I love this poem and ruminated on it for awhile. At the time hen I read it, I had no idea what self love was or what “living in moment” was. Since then, I’ve built on this thought little by little, to where I think I can explain it much better for others now.
Living in the moment…what is it?
I guess you could also call this mindfulness or being present, or what I like to refer as, “just being”. It refers to the practice of fully engaging with and experiencing the present moment without being distracted by thoughts about the past or future. Without distractions about what you will say in this conversation, or what you should have said in that conversation. It involves being aware of and fully immersed in the current sensations, thoughts, and emotions without judgment or attachment.
Living in the moment entails directing your attention to the present without dwelling on regrets from the past or anxieties about the future. It means acknowledging and accepting your current circumstances, experiences, and feelings, whether positive or negative, without trying to change or control them. Instead of being preoccupied with what has happened or what might happen, you focus on what is happening right now. Essentially, you become neutral to your past experiences and thoughts. You choose only perfection, you choose only love, and you chose only being.
By cultivating mindfulness and living in the moment, you can develop a greater sense of self-awareness, mental clarity, and emotional balance. It allows you to fully appreciate and enjoy the simple pleasures of life, engage more deeply in your relationships, and savor the richness of each experience.
See that tree you’re passing? Look at those vibrant colors! Or that adorable child waving at you. Or look at that cute old couple, still just as in love as the day they met 50 years ago. When you start living in the moment you start appreciating everything around you and realizing that everything in life can be beautiful, if you choose to see it.
Living in the moment doesn't mean disregarding or neglecting your future goals or responsibilities. It means finding a balance between planning for the future and being fully present in the present. It encourages you to make conscious choices and take deliberate actions in alignment with your long-term aspirations while still fully immersing yourself in the present moment.
Practicing mindfulness techniques such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply paying attention to your senses out in nature can help you develop the ability to live in the moment and experience a deeper connection with yourself and the world around you.
My favorite is walking in nature, barefoot, looking at flowers and appreciating the colors all around you. Being in silence with yourself, removing all outside distractions like your phone, other people’s voices, listening to podcasts, anything. Getting back to your core and enjoying being with you.
If you haven’t tried living the moment, try it today. Take a walk in nature. Go barefoot, without your phone or earbuds. Listen to the sounds in nature. The birds, the bugs, the wind. Everything is perfect. Nature is perfect, unspoiled, exactly as it was meant to be. That’s how we are. We just need to remember it and get back to our true selves and our core, where there is nothing left but perfection.
Different is the new skinny/strong/beautiful
Human Design explained. The easiest and most different thing you can do, is just be yourself.
I’ve been studying a lot of Human Design over the past couple years, and I find it extremely helpful as way to not only understand yourself better, but how to live your best life based on the unique way you were designed.
Did you know that we all have a unique design that is fixed throughout our lives? It’s true. The Neutrino biverse weather report displays the current imprint as the planets move through time and space. This is what we experience collectively on a daily basis. Human design says we live in a 6 line cycle that follows the moon. And this is called Human Design.
Human Design is a unique and powerful system that combines elements of astrology, the I Ching, the Kabbalah, and the chakra system to provide a blueprint of a person's unique energy and personality. It’s all about self-discovery and understanding the inherent strengths and weaknesses of one's own energy type. You are provided a literal roadmap, or what I like to call, a cheat sheet about your life, based on your Human Design, which is when and where you were born.
By providing insight into everything from a person's communication style to their decision-making process, Human Design can help individuals live their best lives by aligning their actions with their authentic selves. It’s is a powerful tool that can help you unlock your full potential and live a more fulfilling life, and to be ok with just being yourself.
According to my Human Design chart, I am a Generator with an open ego and throat center. This means other can very easily project onto me what they think I should be, and I will take it on as my own. I also have a hard time speaking up for myself and formulating my ideas and thoughts into active speech. I usually come to the answers much slower in the way of writing my thoughts down or having time to ponder them and formulate answers later.
Finding out that it's easy for me to get swayed by other people's beliefs and what they think I should be rather, rather than just being myself, was a huge game changer. Understanding that there is nothing wrong with me, realizing I just take a lot of time to make decisions and I have a specific way of doing things and a process ( as we all do), allowed me to accept myself fully for who I am and not let others rush me into what they think is an important decicion.
I decided to live by Judy Garland's rule to be a first rate version of myself, rather than a second rate version of someone else. This is so key, especially in the days of Social Media, when everyone has an idea and and opinion of everything, and we are living less authentic versions of ourselves in order to please others.
Stop doing that. Just be yourself. It’s ok. By being yourself, you are being different. There is no one else like you in the world, so take advantage of that!
Different is the new skinny/strong, and that’s what makes you beautiful. So stick to that.
If you want a Human Design reading, please check out HD by Z at this link https://www.hdbyz.com/appointments-1k. She has changed the way I look at myself and the world, and I think it’s such an important tool to live your life exactly as it was meant for YOU!
How to get comfortable being alone with yourself
Once you’re comfortable being alone and happy with yourself, life will change dramatically for you
In 2021 at the beginning of my 6 month road trip I felt pretty miserable traveling alone. I was also going through some intense personal stuff and many times I just wished I had someone with me that I could share these beautiful experiences with .
Then something shifted. The more alone out in nature I was, the more I realized what an incredible opportunity I had to go on this adventure alone. I didn't answer to anyone, plan, or work my schedule around someone else's. It was all about me, whatever I wanted to do (or not) at every second of the day.
So many people ask me how I did this alone. Was I afraid, did I get scared, did bad things happen, how did I prepare for bad things. How did I take my photos? (Many of my followers thought I had a secret photographer/bodyguard following me around for six months taking photos 🤣🤣).
Nope. This trip was all me, all solo, many times away from cell reception and humans, forcing me to be alone with my thoughts and in turn face some hard truths about myself. Yes, it was lonely at times, but I knew others would only serve to interrupt my solitude and the important things I knew I had to focus on for my own healing.
So yes. It was a blessing to be alone, both when I reveled in the solitude and when I loathed it. I was able to focus my time and energy only on myself, without any other distractions from the outside world unless I allowed it.
If you don’t feel comfortable being alone with yourself, now is the time to start. You don’t have to make a drastic move like I did and start traveling around alone. You can start off small. Take a walk alone, without your phone. Have a meal out alone, without your phone. Read a book alone. Then gradually build up from there.
When you’re comfortable being alone and enjoying your own company, it opens the door to creativity, expansion in your own life and confidence. Because you know you don’t need anyone else. You know yourself and you know you are enough. Those who come along in your life are just bonuses to what you already had before.
I know many people will never experience this, and I feel incredibly blessed I get to travel solo and live life on my terms, with all its ups and downs. I highly encourage you, in whatever state of life you are in, to try being alone. Start small, in the best you know how, and go from there.
Let me know in the comments below what are some of your favorites ways to enjoy your time alone! The possibilities are endless!