What is the deal with witches?

How society views witches, the history of who they really were

Hands down one of the best courses I took at UT Austin was called "The History of Witchcraft". (Yes, it's a real course, look it up). Brian P Levack has been studying witches, trials, witch hunts, etc for decades. I found his perspective particularly interesting:

"The witch was usually not a foreigner or stranger to her community. The great majority of the witches were older and poorer than average, unmarried or widowed, someone who did not adhere to the traditional behavior standards of her community or of her sex, or someone who physically looked different.”

Women were particularly targeted, especially those who inherited money or land from a dead husband and refused to marry again. Many times they were kidnapped at night, tortured endlessly then presented to the crowd prior to execution as broken, battered, mutilated women. This is where the modern image of the witch came from.

Many of us are descended from witches, who weren't really witches at all but simply naturalists & holistic healers who refused to compromise their beliefs and gifts and bend to societal norms.

I applaud UT for offering courses like this to students, as well as their women's studies electives. Highly recommend looking into options for these courses wherever you may be studying. Stuff like this is out there, y'all. You just gotta know how/where to look. ✨🧚👍

"Here's to strong women. May we know them, may we've them, may we raise them."

Would my story be better if I was a different race?

Recently I was told from someone in Hollywood that my life would be a great movie, especially if I was a different race. I was told it would be more "impactful", "powerful" and more inclusive. I was then told if I disagreed, maybe it was because I hated other races. Interesting what the world has come to and how people come to conclusions and assumptions of others.

My story is about me, a white woman, and my experiences in a cult. Cults that are notoriously known for recruiting white people. If I was black, my story would be completely different. If someone played me as a black actor, it would be fictional. Literally none of my experiences would be the same, and vice versa.

Your story will not be more impactful if you were different race. Your story will not be better, more powerful or more inclusive if you changed your appearance, race, or culture. Your story made you who you are and no one else can take that away from you. Not people in Hollywood, not your woke friends or well meaning strangers.

Women are always told they're not enough, or that if they "just had" this and this, they would be better. In my 20s I was constantly told if I "just had" bigger boobs and lips I'd be perfect. Well I don't, and I'm cool with that. I'm my own person, with my own story, and my own looks. That's who I am, and I'm not letting anyone take that away from me.

You only have one story. Don't sell it short, let others cheapen your experiences or think you are less than because you don't fit the mold of what they think your life should be. Your life is yours and yours alone, and that's what makes you unique as an individual.

Own it.

Why am I so afraid?

Our of all the things I’ve had to work on recently, the biggest one is fear.

As a child I lived in constant fear of my safety from abuse. As I grew up this fear translated into my adult life with fear of people finding out my past & who I was & fear of facing my past in order to heal.

In the healing process it evolved into fear of my future, fear of who I will become, fear of being judged, fear of losing my goals/visions for the future, fear of losing loved ones, friends, of losing everything.

Being out alone in nature and forced to sit with my fear brought up a lot of things that made me realize my anxiety is through the roof & I struggle with fear on a daily basis.

Sometimes I know I'm healed and on the right path, other times I'm full of anxiety with no idea where to turn. The best thing I can do is continue moving forward, facing fears & being open about my struggles.

I don’t want to put on a façade for social media and seem like I have all the answers. I don’t. Sometimes I want freedom to travel, other times I want stability. Sometimes I have a great idea, the next day I hate it. What’s important is that throughout the last six months I’ve learned to be aware of my thoughts & attune to how I feel. If things feel good to me then I know I'm on the right path. If they feel rushed and fearful, then something is off.

There's so much around us causing so much fear. Being away from everything helps me be more aware of what those are. I was never fearful about my trip in Asia until I started listening to the news. I was never anxious about politics or losing friends over coronavirus until I started paying attention to social media. These things are huge distractions and fear tactics that hold me back. The best I can do is notice when I'm getting anxious, observe the habits I'm engaging in and change it.

If you've been feeling anxious, afraid and on edge, pay attention to your actions, who you're surrounding yourself with, how you're feeling, and how it's manifesting. Then make the necessary changes to bring you back into homeostasis and balance. Living in fear is a choice. You can always choose another option and write a new story.

My current struggles and the relationships with my parents

Addressing the remorseless apologies survivors have received by the cult leaders, my honest feelings about my parents, and a word to those who choose to blame victims rather than the perpetrators.

It's never easy to talk about my personal life. Many people have assumed things about me but never asked. I hope this video clears up any misconceptions and shows that like others, I still battle with my demons every day. But, because of my healing journey, I have the tools and support I need to get me through, keep going, and keep growing.

There is one thing I would like to clarify in this video. While yes, at times it feels like it would be easier if my parents were dead, in doing Byron Katie's "The Work", I need to ask myself the four questions:

1. Is it true? At times it feels like it

2. Can I absolutely know this is true? No, I cannot. There is no way for me to know if my life would be easier, I can only assume

3. Who am I with this thought? Someone who assumes she knows what's best for her life and the life of others, who tries to control outcomes and becomes stressed, bitter and resentful.

4. Who am I without this thought? Peaceful, free, someone who is not trying to control the outcome and understands that everything is happening exactly as it should.

I truly do not know what's best for my life, and this is important for me to emphasize. We think we know what's best for us, but in hindsight, so many things we thought were good for us turned out to be wrong, and vice versa.

The things I teach others and talk about are the things I always apply to my own life, and this is a great example.

"Evil always looks good"

Below is a video from my YouTube channel where I talk about the arrest of Peter Daglish, listening to your intuition and the importance of doing your research! Things are not always as they seem.

One ring to rule them all… My child bride cult ring.

I was born as a child celebrity in the cult founder David Berg’s compound. He named me, wrote stories about me and I grew up basically promised to him from birth.

At 3 I was taken to David Berg by my own mother and presented as his child bride. Berg gave me a heart shaped ring way too big for my 3 yr old finger. He wrapped tape around the band until it fit, saying the ring was big on purpose so I could wear it forever. I still have the ring to this day and it fits on my pinkie finger.

That is sick. He put that much thought into how he could possess me for the rest of my life, and how he could ensure that the ring would fit me through adulthood. I still have it, and it still does.

The first photo at the top of the page is me wearing that ring as an adult.

Berg systematically broke down children, abused and trafficked them, then had his followers do the same. This was his way to control, a way to satiate his perverted mind that had also been control and abused as a child himself, by his own nanny. His mind was so far gone and so fucked up that he continued to inflict pain on thousands of people, the way pain was inflicted on him in his childhood.

What’s that saying again…hurt people hurt people, healed people heal people.

I still have the ring, yes. I keep in my possession, no one will ever know where, I don’t wear it but I also don’t feel the need to burn it. This ring is part of my story now, it’s part of my power and part of my path. It’s not Berg’s, and it never will be.

In the video on my previous post, I talk about being trafficked as a child in the infamous sex cult The Children of God, aka The Family.

Yes, trafficking is a harsh word. We think of children being grabbed off the street and chained to a bed and all kinds of horrible things happening to them. But if you look at the definition of child trafficking online, it paints a different picture.

The definition of child trafficking is the illegal movement of children for forced labor or sexual exploitation.

When I first read this definition, I was floored, because that literally described my life. If I could sum up my life in one sentence, it would literally be that.

So, I embarked on an even deeper healing journey, to learn more about child trafficking and all its nuances that we typically wouldn’t associate it with. Since then, I’ve talked to many of my fellow survivors about our childhood, and we’ve all slowly come to terms with the fact that yes, we were in fact, trafficked. It’s a hard pill to swallow at first, but something important when to acknowledge about our lives.

Photo info:

1. To the left is a photO of me at two years old, shortly before I received the ring on my 3rd birthday.

2. Below, you can see a photo of Berg, laying a hand on my pregnant mother’s belly, and inside that belly is me.

3. Second to the bottom is a picture of Berg’s cousin Mary Dear. He wrote a personal note to my mother about naming me after his cousin he was in love with. Mary Dear became my celebrity cult name and it’s in the cult publications.

4. A recent photo of me now, living life to the fullest and loving every second

Child trafficking is not always forcibly grabbing someone off the street, throwing them into a van and hiding them in a warehouse. Most of the time it’s far more covert and insidious. It’s low income families exchanging sexual favors for money. It’s sex cults who separate families & travel in the middle of the night to escape authorities looking for them. It’s the family down the street with the creepy uncle who always comes by when the parents are away but the kids are home. Or the family friend who brings money for the kids and the parents let them have special play time with. Or the masked kid walking down the street with the man grabbing their arm just a bit too forcefully.

These things are happening today all around us. Maybe to you or someone you know. This is a pandemic in our country of massive proportions and it’s only getting worse through generations. Research child trafficking in your area. The results may shock you.