Welcome to my Blog!
I felt magic walking in the fields amongst the fireflies, walking naked in the woods in the creek and swimming in the lakes around Montana. Magic is everywhere, in the earth, in the trees, in the wind, in the animals, in us. It's just up to you if you want to open your eyes to see it or not.
My whole life I’ve been connected to horses.
In Brazil we lived next to multiple horse farms and would go riding all the time. I grew up around them, cheered when the babies born and cried for days when others died in floods and landslides. We rode them in the mountains, by lakes, rivers, and on beaches. I named the horses I grew close to and kept snippets of their hair with me.
As I got older and the responsibilities of adulthood took over, I grew separate from them. I lived in cities, replacing horse riding with college, coffee shops and wine bars. Still though, the yearning feeling of wanting to ride a horse on the beach again, feeling free with the wind in my hair and sensation of flying lingered in my mind.
Now, on this trip throughout the USA, I was able to start my journey at a beautiful horse ranch in Alabama. I watched them run through the fields every day, took work breaks to walk around the grounds and sit in the grass with them, and rode them in the afternoons.
This experience made me realize that I am still deeply connected to these magnificent animals. Horses make me calm, make me cry, help me through emotional ups and downs in my life and teach me things I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. They are one of my power animals and my guides. I will forever love and be in constant awe of them.
I’m so grateful for this time I get to spend at a horse ranch in Alabama, just me, the horses and nature. There's a reason horses are used as therapy and for healing deep wounds. This year I’ve battled some of my darkest demons and also experienced some of my highest highs. But I would not have been able to do any of it if it weren’t for these animals around me.
The documentary series I took part in about growing up in The Children of God cult is now out on @discoveryplusuk!
I am proud to stand by these women who are speaking out and telling the world about their stories and their life. This was not easy. But it was necessary.
I am honored to be a part of this documentary, and I hope that sharing my story you can see that there is light after darkness and joy, purpose, power and pleasure after pain.
My past does not define me, but my story is what made me the person I am today, someone who is kind, caring, loyal, joyful, alive, vibrant, and in love with life!
I'm not a survivor, I'm a thriver. Follow me and see for yourself 💜🧚✨
Hi to my new followers!
Thank you all for the love and support and messages after reading the article in the UK.
Remember that there will always be people who doubt your story and want to silence you and bring you down. Fuck all of those people. I'm out here living the life I want not thinking of them at all.
I love my life. For the first time ever I feel most at peace, most alive, strong, happy and fulfilled, able to be and do what I want. That's what healing is.
Thanks to all the words of support and encouragement from everyone, it means so much to me!
I will continue speaking about whatever I want, I will not shut up, I will not be silent and I will not change anything about me to make others feel better about themselves.
GOOD NEWS! CHANGE IS HERE!
The past four years I’ve done deep, dark, healing work on myself. I’ve come out of the shadows, told my story, faced scrutiny, vulnerability, and more.
But now it’s time to pivot my life and everything in it.
I’ll always be on life's journey, growing and getting to the next level. But on this level, it’s time to step out of the pain and into pleasure.
I will always share my story as a former cult child celebrity. I will always have things I need to heal, trauma I need to address and issues to work out. I will still support the fight against child trafficking.
BUT…there is so much more to life that that! On the other side of healing, is joy. And that’s how I feel now. I feel joyful, peaceful, calm, and FREE.
Beyond the healing & tears is a moment I knew it would click: I am healed. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. I am whole, happy, thriving and able to be who I am without apology--a little weird, a little crazy, a little naked, and definitely not afraid.
Beyond the healing journey is the healed. Beyond the pain is pleasure, & that time is now.
You know you’re healed when you’ve transitioned from shadows, darkness, and sadness, to joy, passion, and pleasure. You’re healed when what haunted you no longer has power over you. I’m healed because I don’t care to talk about my past again. It doesn’t control me.
Friends, consider this my resignation letter. I resign from talking about things that no longer bring me pleasure. I resign from trauma, trafficking, and despair. It has its place, yes. But that place is not in my life 24/7.
Most of all I resign from the self-imposed prison I’ve locked myself in. The key was in my hand all along, I just needed to give myself permission to leave. So I’m putting the key in the door, turning the handle, and letting myself out.
I don’t have to purify or cleanse my body from anything, because I like being dirty. Get. Ready.
I recently talked about Nas X and his “Satan shoe” online. There was so much public & private engagement from post that I thought I'd follow up with another one to talk specifically about the symbolism of this shoe and what it represents.
I'm not religious, but I know everything around us has meaning & symbols. We take on the energy of what we surround ourselves with the most. Wearing a devil shoe with a drop of human blood has far more meaning than being edgy.
Blood Significance
There is a strong symbolic link between blood, life and death. Blood is holy and sacred. It's lifeforce, magic, one of the most powerful things on this earth. Blood represents the soul, your sovereignty and binding one person to another. Blood rituals have existed since the beginning of time.
In the Bible, blood symbolizes sacrifice, eternal life & the Divine. Self flagulation to draw blood for the cleansing of sins is used by certain Muslim groups. Pagan, Druid, Greek, Maya, and Olmec all used blood sacrifice and rituals in some form. Various African tribes still perform blood sacrifice to this day.
Blood magic includes blessings, curses, binding/unbinding, repenting from sins & more. Blood sacrifice is typically associated with bodily harm (cutting or killing) and could be categorized as black magic. Blood magic without bodily harm (menstrual blood) is used for selfless purposes like healing, union, blessings, and protection. This is known as white magic.
Black or dark magic is destructive and vindictive, used selfishly usually against another. The representation of Satan throughout history is selfishness, destructiveness, vindictiveness, cruelty, pain...the same things black magic represents.
If blood is in a satan shoe, what does that represent and those walking around wearing it? The significance of blood in a shoe that comes in a box with images of dead children in grotesque form is a lot more sinister than self expression, and it’s important to be aware of that.
Child Sacrifice
Another important topic regarding the shoe and the symbolism, are the images of child sacrifice.
Child sacrifice (trigger warning)
Throughout history, children have been used as pawns for control or to please a jealous God. Children are born pure, untainted & unspoiled by the evils of the world. This gives them appeal for darker forces.
Child sacrifice was used to please deities, gods, beings, powerful rulers conquerors after war. The idea behind child sacrifice is that giving up the most precious thing in life, your child, proves your loyalty to another and essentially, saves yourself from a similar fate.
Satanic rituals are known to include child sacrifice. Satanic cults and ritual abuse has been well documented in the US, with the National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crimes (FBI) stating that victims in these cases report "ceremonies, chanting, robes and costumes, drugs, use of urine and feces, animal sacrifice, torture, abduction, mutilation, murder, and even cannibalism and vampirism."
In the Journal of American Culture, a woman said she was held in a Satanic cult where her parents were members, forcibly impregnated and held captive in order to sacrifice her child to satan when it was born.
Taking an innocent child's life to satiate a god, your own power or for Satanic rituals is 100% pure evil. The inside of the Satanic shoe box contains images of dead children hanging upside down with snakes going in between their bodies (snakes have significance too), surrounded by black horned demons and cradled by a winged skeleton demon.
None of this is harmless dress up. None of this is just entertainment and shock value. The images are intentional & symbolic. None of it represents good, truth, love, kindness, compassion, joy, light, peace, or anything positive in any way.
Whether you are religious or not, wearing shoes that represent pain, suffering, death, cruelty, selfishness and harm exposes us to those traits & energies. This numbs us to the issues going on in our country when these traits are presented as cool and expressive.
It is possible to express yourself and deliver powerful messages without embodying evil. I do it all the time.
