The worst moments of our life are often the most transformational. 💖💕
I recently did a Tony Robbins course and charted out three main breakthrough moments in my life.
A breakthrough is moment in time when everything changes and the impossible becomes possible. It's usually triggered when you reach a threshold of pain where you simply cannot continue as usual and must make a change, both physically & mentally.
What can trigger a breakthrough?
Anything. A conversation, A book, a change in emotion, a belief, a mentor, coach, health issues.
This exercise showed that most of the time breakthroughs come through hardship by turning our greatest pain into our greatest strength.
A couple breakthroughs in my life that I struggled for a long time was eating disorders and relationship to food, fear of what would happen if I talked about my past, living in shame, unhealed trauma, and grief.
What triggered the change in all three of these things was my hair falling out and deciding things had to change. What helped make the needed changes in my life was hiring my own coach, reading a ton of self help, going down a spiritual path, plant medicine, therapy and changing my surroundings.
This journaling exercise made me realize that one of my greatest pains and source of shame (Hair falling out) was also the catalyst to some major growth. I would never had made some of these changes if it wasn't for my hair, and I wouldn't have made the connection if I didn't do this exercise.
Try this on yourself by asking the following questions and name the top three greatest breakthrough moments in your life.
1. What made the change possible?
2. What triggered the change in that moment?
The answers may surprise you!
Time Does Not Heal All Wounds
What doesn't kill you does not make you stronger, it actually makes you sicker, weaker, sadder, and unhealthier.
Based on the Adverse Childhood Experiences test (ACE) The more aces one has, the greater likelihood of auto immune disease. Women alone are 50% more likely than men to experience five or more categories of adverse childhood experiences. We are known as the “walking wounded” of our day because we suffer from so many diseases stemming from childhood trauma.
That’s why I do what I do. I was sick of walking around with inexplicable health issues, sick of feeling like my life was spiraling out of control, and sick of pretending I had it together on the outside when really I suffered from chronic depression and anxiety.
Healing childhood trauma means going back through your childhood, recalling the earliest painful events emblazoned in your brain, explaining the situation as an adult to your child self, and creating a safe space for your wounded child in order to heal the relationship to that trauma, in turn healing yourself.
Trauma is a misunderstanding, plain and simple. Something horrible happened to you, you created a story around that event, blaming yourself for what happened, and taking that story and belief with you throughout your life. This leads to a host of health and mental issues which can be reversed if you stop treating the symptom and go straight to the cause.
If you feel the same things keep popping up time and time again, the same health issues and symptoms are going undiagnosed and you can’t find the root cause, take the ACES quiz, find out your score and let’s talk! (Hint: with just 2 ACES you have a 70% increased risk of MS, type 1 diabetes, Hashimoto's, & an 80% higher risk of lupus, IBS, asthma & eczema.)
Your experiences and story matters!!
Liked or Respected? Can you have both?
I grew up learning to be a people pleaser, punished for using my own voice and questioning cult teachings. So I learned at a young age to keep quiet. Don't rock the boat, stop with the questions, keep quiet if I disagree.
Unfortunately this translated into my adult life. While I'm certainly not a wallflower sitting silently in the corner, I've often found myself silent and not speaking up on extremely controversial issues for fear of going against the majority and being shunned.
I've seen a lot of people these days keeping silent on what's going on simply because they have different views than the majority. On the other hand I've seen a handful of people unafraid to speak their mind & go against the majority to show more than two sides, more than black-and-white, and more than what we're seeing. 😦
I have more respect for those few people than I do for the hundreds of others who aren't saying anything different. It doesn't matter what their beliefs are, they know where they stand and they don't care about the majority. ♥
These people taught me about resilience and toughening up. This doesn't mean hardening my heart, but changing my mindset from appeasing and defending to standing by my convictions and beliefs.
There will forever be a little girl inside of me just wants to be liked and accepted. It may seem easier just being nice, but those days are gone. I learned that I can't always be liked, but I can always be respected. 🌠
So I decided I'd much rather be respected than liked. 💯
Self Deprecation vs. Self Realization
Choosing to plug into my excited Soul versus the fearful Ego
My whole life self deprecation was my comfort zone. I thought it was me being humble, but in reality it was only reinforcing my insecurities and negative thought patterns. ♥
A true healing journey is so much more than just trauma. It’s stepping into our power, learning to love and trust ourselves (perhaps for the first time ever) and become who we really are, unapologetically. It’s listening to our soul vs ego and choosing love over fear.
Joseph Campbell says the hero's journey is a "transformation of consciousness." Where we have been thinking one way our whole lives and now we must think another.
These days I’m learning to think a different way about myself. I’m a businesswoman, a business owner, an experienced trauma recovery coach, and I’m amazing at it. I’m on a deeply spiritual path and I’m able to connect with my guides in various ways. I’m reclaiming my power as a woman and I’m choosing to take pride in each tiny success and progress I’ve made.
If this resonates and you’ve been doing something similar, start noticing the ways you’re holding yourself back with thoughts and conversations. Whatever you focus on, grows. So chose what empowers and excites you, not what holds you back.
If you're looking to get rid of those negative beliefs and self deprecating habits, I want to hear from you! Send me a DM or email me at hello@serenakelley.com. 💙
"I choose to plug into my excited Soul versus my fearful Ego.”
Survival of the Fittest vs. Survival of the Nurtured
“We are not the survival of the fittest, we are the survival of the nurtured. Those who are nurtured best, survive best.” ~Louis Cozolino
Louis Cozolino is an attachment scientist and professor of psychology at Pepperdine University. He says that nurturing is the key to survival, and without it we carry a lack of trust, empathy and compassion into future relationships.
Many of us didn’t grow up in a nurturing environment, and because of that, we have to learn to nurture ourselves. No one is coming to save us, but the good news is that it’s never too late to learn how to nurture and create secure attachments for ourselves.
We can learn to self mother and self soothe by practicing mindfulness and self-compassion, and by doing things that made us feel safe, happy and secure as a child. For me, that’s going out in nature daily. 👍👍
Practicing what makes us feel safe helps change our nervous system from anxious and vigilant (fight or flight) to a calmer, connected state of homeostasis.
You’re never too old to nurture yourself!
Own your story. It's the only one you've got.
"Do not live in the shadows of the masters forever. Learn to live in the light of your soul. Life deserves full expression." --Amit Ray
One year ago I chose to step out of the shadows & tell my story of being born in The Children of God cult. Not just born into it, but born as a child celebrity, in the cult founder's home, to parents who were top leaders. I lived my life in the spotlight with books, videos, and stories created about me.
I escaped the cult at 18 I lived my life hiding my identity. I could not deal with the fact that people were hunting my parents & talking about my life like I was an object or cartoon character. I hid and numbed, living a drug-fueled life for years. My hair fell out & I went into pre-menopause from depression & stress. I lived in complete fear of when the next TV or news article would come out about my family.
When I chose to tell my story, stop living in fear of my family name and being "found out," it was the hardest thing I did. I cried many tears as there was no going back to hiding. People judged me, attacked me, and said atrocious things about me. But I'm still here.
People will always have opinions of you & think you should live up to their idea of what they think is right. They will try to correct you & put you down. Fuck all of those people. No one knows your life better than you.
The only opinion that counts is your own. The only beliefs that matter are yours. No one else lived your life and knows your story.
I’ve done the work and I’m still doing the work. I'm on my journey, I'm healing, evolving, and using my life and experiences to help others. What are the ones criticizing doing with theirs?
Your story is yours alone. No one can take it from you unless you allow them to. Nobody owns the monopoly on your voice but you. Own your story and take your power back from those who try to silence or critique you.
I've stepped out of the shadows and away from my self-imposed masters. I have a voice, a story, beliefs, experiences, and choices. I'm living in the light of my own soul. I refuse to be part of the masses and I refuse to be silenced.