The Road Less Traveled Poem

I always loved this poem by Robert Frost, as to me it seems that I’m constantly pushed on the road less traveled, even though I try to take the road so many others do.

I try to live up to other’s expectations, or behave how I think others think I should behave. Every time it leaves me unhappy, confused, and dissatisfied. Every time I return back to myself, and on my own path, is when I find my happiness.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

— Robert Frost

A message to myself, passed to you.

These were words to myself for my own healing, which have since helped countless others in their healing journey. I share them with you now.

You're not broken, you’re blocked. Throughout your journey you’ve run into obstacle after obstacle blocking your path, until they prevented you from going further.

This may seem like the end of the road, but it’s not, you just haven’t seen all your options. That’s because obstacles are detours in the right direction. When a door closes, there is always a window. Doors lead to the ground. Windows lead to the sky, and the sky has endless possibilities.

Right now you’re looking around you, trying to see what other doors and passageways are open. But you’re not looking up, at the windows. That’s your way out.

You carry pain, which you’ve accepted as a part of life. But pain is not just a part of life, it’s LIVING. You have lived. You’ve known grace, sorrow, loss, love, joy, pain, and so much more. Pain is a blessing, because it means you're alive. If you don’t feel pain, you aren’t living. You aren’t alive.

But pain is exhausting when you can't let it go. You struggle to carry it, dragging it with you in life. What you don’t know is how to transmute that pain into power, purpose, & pleasure. When you do that, you’ll be unstoppable. You’ll feel alive for the very first time.

You may not feel alive now from the weight you carry, but you can let that go. I know because I did. I embraced the pain & allowed it to transform me. It made me stronger, more capable, kind, loving, and caring for myself & those along my path. But most of all, I learned to honor myself, first and foremost.

Perhaps our paths will cross one day, or perhaps you were meant to read this now to help you feel supported, strong, loved, & empowered. Perhaps you were meant to see what being alive, thriving, and healed really is. My scars are always there, but the wound has healed.

Healing allows you to evolve into the person you want to be, someone YOU will be proud of. When that happens you will know, because what’s inside will finally match what everyone already sees on the outside: a healed, whole, complete person. One who’s alive, joyful, peaceful, calm, and free. Free to be you, in any way you please. Free from the constrains of societal pressures and worries of other people’s opinions.

Free to harness the power to heal yourself.

Stop prioritizing others over yourself

100% this is something I have to keep reminding myself of for the rest of my life. I used to wear it as a badge of honor that I always prioritized others over myself, until I realized I was drowning in sacrificial behavior, living for everyone else except myself.

The only thing we know about what will happen this year is that we don’t know. So why not make it a year for healing? A way to use this time of uncertainty to our best advantage. For growth, healing, taking care of our mental health, and accepting that things may never be as they were “before”.

As a trauma specialist, I know how important it is to use time like this to focus on healing child wounds. @tanaamen explains this wonderfully, addressing a common strategy of hiding or minimizing past traumatic experiences:

“The concept of hiding—or minimizing—a traumatic past is a common survival strategy for many people. It’s as though we’d like to take all those frightening, chaotic, humiliating, or abusive memories and put them in a box that others can’t access. This way no one can see the secret pain hidden inside—or so we think.”

These things only work to come to the surface later in life, when similar traumatic experiences trigger the initial trauma, leaving you more traumatized and unable to cope in the future. A bit like what’s happening in our world today. We’re seeing A LOT of unhealed trauma coming to the surface, triggered by the events around us.

Healing from past trauma is the greatest gift we can give ourselves, and the greatest way to prioritize ourselves over others.

Let’s use this year of uncertainty to take care of our mental health first. Let’s use this time to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

If you’re feeling anxious, frustrated, fearful, ask yourself where this is coming from and when you first experienced this feeling. Once you trace it back to the root and heal it, you can move forward in life with a new outlook, new perspective and new love for yourself.

I know because I did it 🙌✨💜

How to have the courage to go down your own path

"Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up when you can't control the outcome." --- Brené Brown

I've never felt so vulnerable in my life than I have in the last two years when I tore down all the walls I built to protect myself.

I've also never felt like I've failed so many times as in this last year, or like I've veered off course and gone down so many different paths and attempted different things that just didn't fit.

But through that vulnerability, failure and accepting that I no longer have any control over any outcome, came an immense strength, growth, and peace within myself.

I've learned to accept that vulnerability is love, strength, and growth, but also difficult and filled with uncertainty.

I've learned to accept feedback, both good and bad, sometimes very harsh but truthful. Accepting feedback is how I grow, but I also must be careful who I'm accepting feedback from.

Brené Brown says that shielding ourselves from all feedback by disconnecting from vulnerability and emotion gets us to a place where we no longer feel anything. You pay for self protection by sealing off your heart from everyone and everything.

But when you seal off your heart you experience a death--of yourself, your heart, your soul. And I've already experienced that death.

I want to keep feeling alive, vibrant, and fearless. I don't want to fall back into my belief that vulnerability is weakness, I don't need it, and I can go it alone. Cause the truth is, I can't.

So here's to vulnerability, to living your truth, to walking the path of MOST resistance, but the one that makes me feel most alive.

2020 taught me so much, but mostly how to continue down my own road, accepting only feedback from others that I respect, but also not compromising my journey, change course and try to walk down the same path others did.

I need to stay on my own road, even though it may be lonely at times.

Excited to see what else 2021 brings and where my road leads.

"It's your road, and yours alone.
others may walk it with you,
but no one can walk it for you.”-- Rumi

What other people think of you is none of your business

FYI, You will never please everyone, so don't even try.

What others think and have to say about you has nothing to do with you. It's about them and what they dislike about themselves.

Here's the key though: if you have a problem liking, accepting, and being content with yourself, there's no way you can give up worrying about others.

As women we are trained from birth to be likable, content, happy, never angry or sad, to stay thin, never age, always be sexy but mysterious, smart but not too smart, funny but not too funny, serious but not too serious, so many things our male counterparts never have to worry about.

We have to relearn that it's not our responsibility to be liked, understood, approved of, or accepted by everyone. If you constantly try to get everyone to like you, there is no way you can act from an authentic place. You will lose yourself in the pursuit of other's approval.

Take the time to work on you. Figure out what you don't like about yourself, and change it. If you can't change it, learn to accept it.

I'm learning to unlearn. To live from an authentic place. This means being sad when you're sad, raging when you're angry, laughing uncontrollably when you're happy.

Repressed trauma turns into sadness. Repressed sadness turns to rage. Repressed rage turns to depression. Repressed depression turns to mental illness. Repressed Mental illness turns into disease. Disease alters your DNA, which then passes on to the next generation.

Life is not all sexy, perfect, happy, and joyful. It's messy, sad, despicable, confusing, and tragic. But it's also beautiful, transformative, and adventurous. Learn to love it and in turn, love yourself. That's the true act of rebellion.

Going through a tough time? Read this

The fastest way out is always through

Full disclosure: I've had a pretty shitty week. A couple things happened in my personal life that left me way more affected than I initially thought. 😒😒

Thankfully, I know enough about trauma and the importance of grief to know it's not only ok but essential that I allow myself to be sad, go through all the emotions and process this loss.

At first I tried to shrug the situation off and pretend like it didn't affect me, but it did. For a moment I stepped into old familiar patterns of thinking "what did I do wrong, how did I not see this coming, etc," until I realized I didn't do anything wrong and nothing was my fault. I could not have changed a single thing. This is life, and life has its ups and downs.

So, I've been hanging at the house, eating all the chocolate and watching all the shows, because I know that the sooner I go through this grief, the sooner I'll be out of it.

It sucks that we always think we need to keep a brave face, stay strong and walk with our head held high. We don't. We need to give ourselves permission to be sad, be angry, cry, hold our head down and do all the things people tell us not to do. This is the only way for us to heal.

Suppressing emotions and not allowing ourselves to feel sad & vulnerable only sets us up for failure, depression and more permanent health and mental issues down the road.

We've got to change the perception of grief in society. Grief is not just about death, but for any loss or unwelcome change in our life. We have to honor it all, and that's what I'm doing.

Remember that the fastest way out is always through.